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DO HARRY AND MEGAN DO THIS?

In my last blog I wrote about the mistakes we make in relationships and how you’re on a hiding to nothing if you’re trying to change the other person.

Let’s have a look at Mistake No. 2. 

I’m sure that even the best among us are guilty of this next one, which is to think that we know them, better than they do. We are right! Only we have the answers, if only they would listen. Sound familiar?

A major cause of arguments between couples is the desire to be right. When you foist your views on others with the absolute conviction that your way is the right way, your ego has taken over. The ego part of the mind must be right at all costs, because ultimately it fears death.

The reality though, is that the more dominant the ego, the more likely the person you’re projecting onto will need to shut down to protect themselves,  or it will trigger their defence mechanisms and you’ll soon find yourselves arguing.

The next time you’re ‘helping’ someone and trying to get them on board to do it your way, it might be interesting for you to take a breath and notice what you’re feeling, is it frustration? Impatience?

Do you view the other person as the enemy? Perhaps you could ask yourself why it’s so important for you to be right?

In doing this we may be able to identify when our ego is at work and consider how can we change the way we communicate in relationships to get a better outcome.

Is there another place that you can step back into? Not literally, but within yourself?

Communicate with Compassion.

With practice you can learn to change your state,  perhaps come out of your head and drop into the heart space. Remind yourself that you’re in the presence of someone you love. When you come from a heartfelt perspective, it’s easier to reframe what’s going on between you in a more caring manner.

What is your common ground?

Is it the children? Or perhaps your desire to stay together? To not have to go through all that again, but mature in your relationship?  Or simply to improve your home?  Many fights happen around DIY.  From this perspective, you might have less of a need to be right, and more desire to approach your issues with a sense of compassion.

A Good Questions to Ask Yourself When Attempting This Reframe

“What would have to happen for me to see you as my friend, an ally?” What would you have to do to view them through the lens of love? Famous self-help author Louise Hay was an advocate of seeing your partner as a small vulnerable child and show them kindness. Be gentle in your approach and you might find the other person is more responsive to what you’re trying to share.

Relationship counselling can teach us how to better communicate with others and learn to listen properly.

Finally, with everything you know about the other person, can you trust them? Is it possible for you to let go and trust that they might have a perspective? Trust that they might also know what’s right for them?

 

 

 

 

 

 

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My Top 10 Autumn Tips

Whilst we’ve been fortunate enough to enjoy the warmer weather, don’t be fooled by it, as late summer yields fully into Autumn the way we take care of ourselves now,  will dictate whether we have a cosy winter or one fully of colds and allergies.

As the leaves become crispy, dry out and fall to the ground, so will we unless we take sensible, self-care steps. Have a browse through my self-help tips to nurture yourself through to Winter and let me know how you get on.

My Top 10 Autumn Tips

My Top 10 Autumn Tips:

  1. Whilst we cling to the last of the late summer sunshine, remember that the air can be cold and drying, consider adding foods to your diet that are the opposite of cold, drying and still. Think of foods that are warm, stimulating and pungent such as garlic, onions, chives, black pepper, ginger, cayenne pepper, horseradish and mustards.
  2. Start the day with warm teas, slice some fresh ginger bring to the boil and cool to drink.Finish the day with a cosy cup of warm milk with a pinch of black pepper, a 1/4 teaspoon of turmeric and a little honey. It will give you a great night’s sleep.
  3. Although it’s a great time for clearing out your clutter  e.g. look at the sell by dates in your kitchen cupboards and take your unwanted items to the local donation hub or charity shop, it’s a bad time to set yourself up with big goals or deadlines.

    Autumn is a time of death, a letting go of things that no longer serve us.

  4. Instead, take the pressure off and slip slowly into the winter months by considering the equal and opposite; for example Autumn is chilly, blustery, with wind whipping up the leaves in swirls,  do the opposite, take  time to be still, create small spaces of quiet time to read and relax. It’s a great time to reintroduce  the practice of meditation. Take time to bathe in nature, wrap up warm and sit in your local park or take a slow quiet meditative walk.
  5. Emotionally this is again a good time for letting go of resentments and grudges. Remember though, that forgiving those who have hurt you, doesn’t necessarily mean that you allow them  back into your life. It does mean however that you can practice letting go by writing a therapy letters, journalling and even saying out loud “ I forgive you so-and-so  for… blah  blah …”   It really works, but don’t take my word for it, try it yourself!
  6. As well as being a good time of year for clearing out, it’s also a great time for creating clear boundaries. Are there people who don’t respect your boundaries? Take some time to consider how you will establish the boundaries, think about what you might need to do or say in this respect, so that you’re clear on how to move forward.
  7. As natural as it is for the leaves fall from the branches at this time of year, it’s all a good time to let the tears fall, go on, give yourself permission to let it go. You’ll likely find when you create time and the right environment, emotions will surface, especially sadness. Allow them space as this is the perfect time to release and clear space.
  8. As a yoga teacher I encourage the clearing of energy blocks in the body. As we practice bending, stretching, twisting, using breath and visualisation to release tension,  it brings a sense of freedom and space.  In this way we don’t somatise our ‘stuff’ or push our emotions even deeper into the body’s systems and organs. So don’t be rigid, bend and stretch daily. It’s one of the reasons that students feel so good after a yoga class.
  9. Now is the time to use more oils and balms to massage into dry skin. Try warmed sesame oil  rubbed into your feet or Vick rubbed into the soles of the feet, pop a pair of socks on and sleep like a baby!
  10. I’m going to share a secret, the best oils and balms come from Urbanveda and they have given a generous discount especially for  thestresshacker readers! So grab your discount on their fabulous products here thestresshacker20 . Also when you place an order they plant a tree!

Try This Autumn Meditation

Sit in an upright chair, close your eyes and allow your awareness to move down to your chest   ……. allow yourself a little time to tune into the quiet rhythm of your breathing ……..  then allow the breath to drop a little deeper down into your abdomen …….  and simply enjoy the deep sense of calm and relaxation that diaphragmatic abdominal breathing brings.

Rest here a while as you observe the miracle of life force and energy moving in and out of your body without you having to do anything at all.

Just Be.

Enjoy!

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Open It Now! It’s For You

How are you? It certainly feels like we’re being tested on so many levels in these changeable times.

I’m sure you know that among other things,  stress is a feeling of not being in control which can trigger all kinds of emotional, psychological and behavioural problems.

But how to deal with it? One of the main keys to dealing with stress is to develop flexibility so that we improve our bounce-ability factor and become resilient.

Dare I say the most flexible tree is the bamboo because of it’s ability to bend easily in the wind and then stand tall again.

How can we become more flexibile? Well I could say take up yoga, develop new hobbies, improve your way of thinking by listening to hypnotherapy programmes. But better still, find your own ways. 

Write down 10 things you could do to become more flexible mentally and physically.

Along with sending you my good wishes for the holiday period I want to offer a couple of approaches to help manage stress, anxiety and any other difficult feelings.

A Christmas Gift For You
 
Please do the exercise, as it’s experiential, it will only that will take about 7 minutes of your life and it may prove valuable. Try it now.

1. Sit somewhere away from distractions and close your eyes.
2. Repeat the following words to yourself silently and mentally.
“Be” “Just Be” repeat this periodically until you find your breathing slowing and a sense of quietness beginning to emerge.

You might find the next bit challenging and counter intuitive on one level but just go with it.

3. Invite the negative thought/feeling/emotion into the quieter space by simply saying “I welcome…       (anxiety, frustration, sadness, headache, stomach churning or whatever.)

4. Imagine them as an unexpected, slightly unwanted guest who’s arrived at your door but your good  manners dictate that you’re going to invite them in anyway!

5. When you’ve repeated ” I welcome” let’s say anxiety in, notice where it lives. Do you feel it in your chest? Or stomach for example.

Don’t get lost in the thought or feeling and don’t get too involved, stay mildly detached, you’re merely observing it.

6. After a few minutes of this, welcome in the opposite feeling/emotion/thought. So you might then say silently “I welcome peace and calmness” again repeating it several times.

Notice what peace and calmness feel like and where these feelings sit in your body.

Another odd thing to suggest but do it anyway…

7. Begin to move back and forth between the words  “I welcome anxiety and tension” then “I welcome peace, calmness and tranquility”

8. Finally after doing that for a couple of minutes, imagine you can step back away from the opposites and repeat silently “Be” “Just Be”

Let me know how that works for you.

The second gift I would like to offer is a free mind/body training that will lead to a more relaxed in control you.Download it and practise it until you’re able to do it anywhere anytime on your own. It’s my gift to you along with my fervent wishes that you be well and happy.

It’s a tried and tested method that with repetition will give you a greater sense of control in your world.

https://www.thestresshacker.com/product/relax-autogenic-relaxation-response-program/

Oh and if you fancy listening to an interview I gave earlier in the year about finding your purpose check it out here:

https://www.hotflushrebels.com/optin1597304230526

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5 Great Ways To Get Through Lockdown

If you are going to get through the 2nd lockdown with your mind intact and with a stronger bounce-ability factor it may well be down to you and you only!

Grow Up

Before you read this, grab a notebook… this could be your most valuable resource as the weeks go by.

I’ve said it before I’ll say it again, DON’T text or type, WRITE. There’s something about engaging your mind and handwriting simultaneously that makes these exercises much more powerful.

What if it’s true that no-one knows what you need better than you?

Then all you need to do is answer these questions and take your own advice and follow your own prescription.

1. Stop Scaring Yourself!

How do you do this? Write down 7 or more things that you think that make you feel worried, anxious and scared.

Include any pictures, images or past memories that you constantly revisit, you know, those things that help keep you in a state of fear.

Now write down as many ways that you could stop yourself from doing this, for example “I could choose different thoughts” (write down those different thoughts).

Choose different images, find pictures in magazines that are uplifting and positive. Put them where you’ll see them regularly, if that’s not possible stick them inside a cupboard or wardrobe door.  Look at them a lot.

Create New Movies: Re-run any memories or flashbacks that are negative but this time with a positive outcome. For example if you have pictures in your mind in which you are the victim, now see the perpetrator(s) being disempowered in as many ways as possible.

Keep running the new images with brighter colours for example  seeing a bully as smaller, insignificant and dis-abled from their bullying ways. Regularly revisit this new ‘memory’ until you feel bored with it.

When you do this exercise always leave yourself looking bigger or taller stronger, more empowered and assertive.

2. Pull Yourself Together

Look again at the image of the Russian Dolls above and remember that you carry all of you inside. This means that more often than not your scary thoughts have nothing to do with the here-and-now!

It’s true; you may be having “What if” thoughts that have no bearing on your current situation. They could be coming from a younger you. Equally so you may be constantly spending time in the future worrying about what could happen tomorrow, next week or even a year from now.

When we consider that truly the only bit that’s real is now, why are you spending your valuable energy roaming back into the past and forwards into the future?

If you really stop and think about this, it means that you’re constantly cheating yourself out of  time and the ‘now’!

The chances are that every anxiety provoking thought is either about something that’s already happened or something that might happen. Practice being here now more frequently and one way to do this is to link something to a scary thought.

For example you’re thinking “ What if I can’t pay the next heating bill”

Shout inside your head “Get Up And Shake Off” Now stand up, feet apart and shake your hands and arms. Quickly! Shake each foot and leg … just like swimmers do before a race, shake off the excess adrenalin. Do this for a minute then take a deep breath and as you breathe out make a loud “Haaaaa” sound repeat twice.

That’s it! Do it every time you have an anxious thought, this way you’re changing your ‘state’ empowering yourself and getting back to the present.

3. Laughter Is The Best Medicine.

Remember who and what makes you laugh. Find as many films, jokes and books that make you laugh. Be sure you talk to the friend who makes you laugh (the one you have that chemistry with) regularly.

4. Exercise More

You must be sick of hearing this by now but someone has gone to the trouble of researching this and there’s tons of evidence to show that a brisk half an hours walk does wonders for the mind and body.

If you need a goal see how quickly you can reach a destination each time you  walk.

If you need motivation buddy up (at a distance) or meet your walking buddy a location for incentive.

See what the NHS has to say about the benefits of exercise.

5. Forgiveness

Forgiveness

If you’re beating yourself up for something you did in the past that was wrong perhaps it’s time to forgive.

Mistakes are valuable ways of growing and learning, just ask a Scientist, they constantly get it wrong, until they find the right way.

What I’m saying is, it’s normal to screw up you’re not perfect and never will be!

If you hurt others by screwing up and you feel brave enough and it’s appropriate, then contact them and tell them how sorry you are for the pain or trouble you caused. Don’t look for forgiveness from them, that’s your business but aim to make amends if and where you can.

With that done, if you can be sure you will not repeat that behaviour then forgive yourself and practice forgiving yourself until your wrongs sit more easily with you. You do that by saying “your name… I forgive you, you are forgiven now.”

It’s remarkable how many people beat themselves up for years for things they’ve done. I’m obviously not condoning bad behaviour but if you’re genuinely remorseful, would never do that thing again… then be kind and gentle to yourself and forgive.

If you need to take a short break  away from the family or just to reset remember to help yourself to my 7 Minutes of Zen download…this is what one person said “It’s fabulous!”

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3 MINDFUL WEIGHT LOSS Secrets You Never Knew

I know the issue of weight loss isn’t for everyone but I’m  making an effort to avoid using the C and ‘L…down’ words as I figured you’ve read enough of that elsewhere.

We’ve had a macrocosmic shift which means there’s been a lot of microcosmic shifts i.e inner changes for everyone in the way that we work, play, think, feel and behave. And nowhere more than in eating habits.

After reading about the misery that so any people are experiencing, (not just from feeling isolated or homeschooling! ) but more around their increasing weight I thought it was time to share some weight loss tips.

These simple tips will help you to get back on track and help you to feel better

  1. As business guru Brian Tracy says “If You Fail To Plan You Plan To Fail” so have a light meal and sit down with a pen and paper.  Do this now, write out your breakfast, lunch and dinner menu for 14 days. It’s OK if you repeat certain meals.
  2. Be sure to include protein for breakfast, think nuts, cheese, meats. Lots of high fibre fruit and veg. You can eat celery, tomatoes, radishes, cucumber for breakfast with a couple of slices of cheese you know.
  3. Before each meal drink a large glass of room temperature water.
  4. NEVER SHOP on an empty stomach
  5. NEVER SHOP without a plan (that’s your list)

This should start to help you get on track again. There are many more tried and tested tips and suggestions Mindful Weight Loss can be practised by anyone.

If you want to join the Mindful Weight Loss course for an unbelievably great price, buddy up. Bring a friend and you both pay £49.50 bring three friends and you all pay £33 bring four … and you all pay £24.75 contact me now.  Although this is an exclusive offer just for my lovely Stresshacker subscribers  please  feel free to forward to your friends if  you’d like them to enjoy the offer too. 

It’s not even about being able to lose weight  so much much as the horrible beating up that most of us do about putting on a few pounds.  Trust me we will never get the best out of ourselves if we’re listening to  the negative head trash. A daily diet of criticism, judgement and blame bring feelings of frustration,guilt and shame. Stop that!

Self-love and kindness that’s the key

Start By Loving Yourself

For some the word mindfulness has begun to feature more largely in life. The slower pace (for some) has enabled us to become mindful and present in our daily activities such as walking, shopping and cooking.

If you haven’t got time to read catch up with one of 3 podcast episodes about mindful weight loss here https://anchor.fm/stresshacker/episodes/Mindfulness-special–Part-13-What-is-Mindfulness-efjbdv

This has got to be a good thing no? I wrote about different ways to apply mindful eating  here. https://www.thestresshacker.com/how-to-lose-weight-while-you-eat/  What about trying this though. How would it be if the next meal you prepare for yourself  was made like this.

First take a breath, consider the meal that  you’re making.  Secondly consciously, that means ONLY  thinking about what you’re doing in the moment, take out all the ingredients – even if it’s just a snack.

Thirdly set about preparing this meal in a loving way.  Approach this as if it is the last meal you will ever make for someone you love dearly. That could be your cat, child or lover, it could be someone from the past  or someone who has passed, find that person/pet and generate feelings of warmth and love that you have/had for them. Approach the making of that meal with the most loving feeling that you can pull up  in your heart and mind.

The entire time you’re preparing it, imagine sending thoughts of love. Wish them peace, protection, good health, joy. Wish them freedom from stress, anxiety or danger. Now imagine them sending that back to you… receive those feelings back from them, do your best to feel them. All the while making the meal.  That’s it!

This will be one of the tastiest meals you’ve ever eaten. Don’t take my word for it, try it for yourself.

Meanwhile you might want to see what the NHS recommend for weight control https://www.nhs.uk/live-well/healthy-weight/12-tips-to-help-you-lose-weight/

For general podcasts on mental health, mind and body topics you can catch my regular podcasts here https://anchor.fm/stresshacker

Oh and I almost forgot to mention I’ve got a small piece in Psychologies Magazine this month.

No More Anxiety
Anxiety, Thestresshacker and Psychologies Magazine

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How To Take Part In Today’s Global Meditation

To Spread Peace

Chaos and unrest are necessary ingredients for change and I doubt that any of us have escaped change so far this year.

Working as a psychotherapist, coach and yoga teacher I’ve learned that there is a time of turmoil and confusion when we learn something new. It stirs up and unsettles what we thought we knew.

Space is required whilst new neurological pathways are carved out adjoining new learning with old. Updating the software if you like.

الحياة مكس

We can see this as a macrocosm and a microcosm in the world right now. The quicker we learn and understand that things need to change, the more quickly life can settle down again as a recalibrated, refined and improved version.

What easier way to create the space needed than to meditate. It is a simple yet powerful tool that can facilitate our growth and development mentally, physically and spiritually and there is now a plethora of scientific evidence to back this up. https://news.harvard.edu/gazette/story/2018/04/harvard-researchers-study-how-mindfulness-may-change-the-brain-in-depressed-patients/

There are huge benefits to meditating and here are some of the experiences that others have https://outwittrade.com/meditation-benefits-and-stories

Please Accept My Invitation And  Join Me Today In A Global Mediation For World Peace And Healing.

Here’s how.

  • At 16:10 today (ten past four) today clear a space, in your home, garden or out somewhere in nature.
  • Sit upright (laying down may encourage you to sleep!)
  • Either keep your eyes open with a soft gaze or gently close them.
  • Allow your mind to quieten. Try this way… imagine an expansive blue sky with soft white fluffy clouds passing by… constantly imagine yourself as the blue sky and the thoughts, the clouds, you can’t stop them but you don’t have to hang onto them or investigate them in any way. Just observe each thought as it passes.
  • Periodically bring your awareness to your inhalation and exhalation.
  • Stay quietly meditating like this for 15minutes.

Know that you and I are sitting together with thousands of other like-minded souls around the world at exactly this time to co-create peace and healing in individuals and mother earth.

You may wonder why this time? Well there are powerful astrological reasons for meditating today at exactly this time … reasons that I do not profess to fully understand here’s a link to get you started if that’s of interest though.

https://www.lunarplanner.com/2020/index.html I do hope you’re able to find 15 minutes to join me today.

If you are interested in listening to my podcasts please follow this link to listen https://anchor.fm/stresshacker the next few episodes are all about mindfulness. Please feel free to share them with your loved ones and anyone else who will enjoy them.

Also if you fancy joining my online yoga classes drop me a line or follow this link for more information.https://www.thestresshacker.com/product/online-hatha-yoga-class-pass/

Oh and check  out my new book all put together with the help of my friend, thanks Shelby https://www.thestresshacker.com/product/guide-to-kicking-anxietys-butt/

Sue x

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Stresshacker Podcast Ep4: Beat Anxiety, Depression And Burnout With Balance

Subscribe to the Stresshacker today!

So many people I see in my practice are lacking energy; they feel tired, anxious and lethargic especially during wintertime. Never before have so many people and, dare I say, particularly women, been so exhausted and frazzled!

That’s the subject for my latest podcast.

Episode 4 of The Stresshacker Podcast offers some valuable ways to re-connect with yourself and others.

I talk about how you can bring much needed balance back into your life and, in the process, counter some of the struggles that we face – such as depression, anxiety and exhaustion.

The pressure is constantly on and our lives are more demanding than they have ever been.

Think about it, are you constantly doing?

In the absence of a nice smattering of being (or certainly doing much less), there’s an imbalance. The more doing we do the more that imbalance will show up in our everyday lives.

Listen to this episode for ways you can regain your sense of balance.

I’ve been so blown away by the response to my adventures into podcasting. It’s a new experience for me and I’m learning as I go.

If you’ve enjoyed these recent episodes, please do like them on iTunes and subscribe wherever you get your podcasts. It really does make a difference to how many people find the podcast!

As a special thank you for those who listen to the end, I’d like to offer you half price access to my Wellbeing In A Week short course. Listen to the podcast to find out how to claim it!

I’ll be back soon to bring more peace into your life.


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Episode page:  (let me know if this isn’t available on your favourite podcast app)

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The Stresshacker Podcast Episode 3: Eight moments of mindfulness – guided meditation

Many of you are telling me how stressed you’re feeling and whether that’s due to a heavy work load, the demands of family, illness, life events or just those winter blues, only you can change the way that you feel.
That said I would like to help and want to give you this gift. It’s only eight minutes out of your life and it’s a gift that will keep on giving… if you listen to it regularly!
Episode three of the Stresshacker podcast is an eight-minute recharge for anyone feeling run down, in need of energy – or just need a moment for yourself!
You probably know by now that the nature of the mind is that it likes to be on the move. As such your thoughts will drag you back into the past and you can end up feeling stuck.
Conversely your thoughts can propel you into the future at an alarming rate and then you end up feeling pressured and anxious.

Use this guided meditation to gently pull you back into the present.

Find a time when you won’t be disturbed and settle into a comfortable position. Bedtime is an ideal time. For best results use earphones and lie down. You can sit in a comfy chair, but make sure your head is supported.

I want to stress that your mind WILL wander and that’s absolutely OK! It’s part of the hypnotic process. You do not have to be listening intently. In fact, if you drift off into what feels like a deep sleep that’s also good: it’s just your own way of relaxing!

DON’T listen to this whilst driving or operating any machinery, that would be highly dangerous!

NB. This program is NOT suitable for you if you have ever been diagnosed with depression or any other mental illness. This program is not suitable if you have suffered long-term neglect or abuse and have never worked with a therapist before.

For more tips and advice, please subscribe to my Stresshacker Podcast! 


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Episode page:  (let me know if this isn’t available on your favourite podcast app)

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Depression. How I Coped

Sorry I haven’t been in touch for ages…there is no excuse.

There was a bout of depression that nearly got me, but I will tell you about that later.

I have just returned from a holiday in Thailand that included bathing and feeding Elephants. Seeing the process of their “poo” being turned into paper.

Learning the secrets of Thai cooking at a cookery school in Chiang Mai. Then travelling further south to explore some of the islands and their beautiful beaches. Experiencing the healing effects of Thai massage.

Why would I now feel depressed?

I became very aware of the negative internal chatter in my mind. Part of me was imploring another part of me to stay upbeat. But I couldn’t. In fact, feelings of negativity had me sinking fast!

I was feeling depressed. Why?

Was it that my wonderful holiday was over? That I’m still grieving? Maybe I was just overwhelmed by my workload? Or perhaps it’s Brexit?

What soon became clear is that the WHY does not matter. Continually exploring the ‘whys’ only brings more negative thoughts to the surface. Changing my state became my priority and doing this quickly, my goal.

Here is what I did to fight the depression

The first and most important thing was to change the “internal chatter.”

At the risk of this sounding like a plug for one of my self-help downloads, I started to listen to Stress Free With Confidence. This is a hypnosis program I made almost thirty years ago. After just two days I noticed my thinking had changed quite dramatically and as a result, found myself smiling again.

My thoughts were brighter. When a negative thought arose it quickly switched to a positive one. The change was automatic and the good thoughts began to flow again.

More importantly was the shift in my feelings and I felt more upbeat.

This helped me to get moving.

Exercise helped me move forward and invigorated me. Walking activates the heart and lungs and changes the way you breathe. When you change the breath it will often change the way you think and feel. A couple of walks in my local park and surrounding streets really helped.

So did reaching out for support from loved ones and close friends whom I was able to share my feelings with. It’s so important, in fact essential, to reach out. Call someone. Talk about it.

Yoga always gives me the space to gain insight into my feelings and this awareness helps me to “catch” myself before I fall too far. I did a slightly longer practice each day.

Having re-booted the stress free programme in the back of my mind, I also started juicing again which boosted my energy.

I applied a great Ayurvedic treatment and gave myself a top-to-toe sesame oil massage before languishing in a bath. This felt nurturing and nourishing.

Sometimes just one small change can make a huge difference to the way you think and feel.

For example if your job requires sitting at a desk all day, get up regularly and move a round. Take the stairs rather than the lift where possible.

Every journey starts with one small step.

 

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Judging Ourselves and Others: How To Break The Habit

Pointing Finger of Judgement

Are You Sick Of Judging?

Judging ourselves and others can become a habit.

When Louisa was younger she used to love people watching with her sister when they were in the car. They would take it in turns to pick out a stranger who they would judge and criticise for something, each trying to out-do the other with insults.

When she was older Louisa felt more and more uncomfortable indulging in what had once felt like harmless fun.

She’d reasoned as a teenager that it didn’t hurt anyone because the strangers couldn’t hear them and it eased their boredom.

Years later however Louisa recognised that the discomfort she felt stemmed, not only from being mean to innocent strangers, but also because of what it told her about herself and her attitudes.

What our judgements say about us

If you can be unkind about a stranger, how mean are you to yourself? Do you spend a lot of  time criticising the way your friends and colleagues behave? Then you’re probably  harsh and critical about yourself.

Judging others means you’re judging yourself. When we point the finger of blame or judgment at another, you’ll notice three fingers pointing back at yourself. We levy a much heavier burden of judgment on ourselves when we judge others.

In life we tend to attract mirrors of ourselves, in our partners, friends and colleagues.

Look at the things in others that you like or dislike, love or hate, you’ll discover that they are aspects about yourself that you are not owning.

Consider the one thing that you find most abhorrent, something you believe you would NEVER do – be very careful, because you almost certainly house some aspect of that deep within your psyche!

So the next time your inner Judge starts pointing, be kinder to yourself and curl those fingers into a yoga mudra (gesture). Bring your thumb and index finger together and slowly repeat the words ‘I am peace, you are peace, there is peace’

Judging takes up a lot of psychic energy and takes us away from the here and now. Next time you catch yourself judging, distract your mind by singing the lyrics to a favourite tune.

Constant judgements mean that we are not accepting what is, which creates conflict and  creates mental turmoil.

Sack the Judge and treat yourself a to a mental holiday. Discover more peace and positivity when you retrain your brain with my positive thinking book and audio.

Enjoy!