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My Top 10 Autumn Tips

Whilst we’ve been fortunate enough to enjoy the warmer weather, don’t be fooled by it, as late summer yields fully into Autumn the way we take care of ourselves now,  will dictate whether we have a cosy winter or one fully of colds and allergies.

As the leaves become crispy, dry out and fall to the ground, so will we unless we take sensible, self-care steps. Have a browse through my self-help tips to nurture yourself through to Winter and let me know how you get on.

My Top 10 Autumn Tips

My Top 10 Autumn Tips:

  1. Whilst we cling to the last of the late summer sunshine, remember that the air can be cold and drying, consider adding foods to your diet that are the opposite of cold, drying and still. Think of foods that are warm, stimulating and pungent such as garlic, onions, chives, black pepper, ginger, cayenne pepper, horseradish and mustards.
  2. Start the day with warm teas, slice some fresh ginger bring to the boil and cool to drink.Finish the day with a cosy cup of warm milk with a pinch of black pepper, a 1/4 teaspoon of turmeric and a little honey. It will give you a great night’s sleep.
  3. Although it’s a great time for clearing out your clutter  e.g. look at the sell by dates in your kitchen cupboards and take your unwanted items to the local donation hub or charity shop, it’s a bad time to set yourself up with big goals or deadlines.

    Autumn is a time of death, a letting go of things that no longer serve us.

  4. Instead, take the pressure off and slip slowly into the winter months by considering the equal and opposite; for example Autumn is chilly, blustery, with wind whipping up the leaves in swirls,  do the opposite, take  time to be still, create small spaces of quiet time to read and relax. It’s a great time to reintroduce  the practice of meditation. Take time to bathe in nature, wrap up warm and sit in your local park or take a slow quiet meditative walk.
  5. Emotionally this is again a good time for letting go of resentments and grudges. Remember though, that forgiving those who have hurt you, doesn’t necessarily mean that you allow them  back into your life. It does mean however that you can practice letting go by writing a therapy letters, journalling and even saying out loud “ I forgive you so-and-so  for… blah  blah …”   It really works, but don’t take my word for it, try it yourself!
  6. As well as being a good time of year for clearing out, it’s also a great time for creating clear boundaries. Are there people who don’t respect your boundaries? Take some time to consider how you will establish the boundaries, think about what you might need to do or say in this respect, so that you’re clear on how to move forward.
  7. As natural as it is for the leaves fall from the branches at this time of year, it’s all a good time to let the tears fall, go on, give yourself permission to let it go. You’ll likely find when you create time and the right environment, emotions will surface, especially sadness. Allow them space as this is the perfect time to release and clear space.
  8. As a yoga teacher I encourage the clearing of energy blocks in the body. As we practice bending, stretching, twisting, using breath and visualisation to release tension,  it brings a sense of freedom and space.  In this way we don’t somatise our ‘stuff’ or push our emotions even deeper into the body’s systems and organs. So don’t be rigid, bend and stretch daily. It’s one of the reasons that students feel so good after a yoga class.
  9. Now is the time to use more oils and balms to massage into dry skin. Try warmed sesame oil  rubbed into your feet or Vick rubbed into the soles of the feet, pop a pair of socks on and sleep like a baby!
  10. I’m going to share a secret, the best oils and balms come from Urbanveda and they have given a generous discount especially for  thestresshacker readers! So grab your discount on their fabulous products here thestresshacker20 . Also when you place an order they plant a tree!

Try This Autumn Meditation

Sit in an upright chair, close your eyes and allow your awareness to move down to your chest   ……. allow yourself a little time to tune into the quiet rhythm of your breathing ……..  then allow the breath to drop a little deeper down into your abdomen …….  and simply enjoy the deep sense of calm and relaxation that diaphragmatic abdominal breathing brings.

Rest here a while as you observe the miracle of life force and energy moving in and out of your body without you having to do anything at all.

Just Be.

Enjoy!

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50 Ways To Deal With Depression

ways to beat depression

Depression is a monster that can eventually be tamed according to some, whilst for others professional help and medication is necessary.

This is my third blog on depression and I’ll be changing my theme for the next blog, so if there’s anything mind/body related you would like to know more about, let me know and I’ll endeavour to create an interesting blog on it.

I’ve compiled a list of resources and activities that people I have worked with over the years claim have helped lift the state of inertia and depression. Work your way through the list and find the things that resonate most with you and keep using these tactics to chip away and find your beautiful nature within. I can elaborate pretty much on all of the points so if there’s a particular one you’re interested in understanding more about contact me and I’ll write a more in-depth blog.

  1. Join a choir.
  2. Place an advert on gumtree or in a local shop window and start a band… even if you do have to call it the ‘Can’t Sing or Play Band.
  3. Join a drumming circle.
  4. Book some drum lessons.
  5. Take up some kind of percussion such as cymbals, tambourine, bells, gongs or make your own with a jar of beans or tins.
  6. Beat an old tennis racquet on some cushions.
  7. Start with aaah. Progress to oooo and finish with mmmm. If you can’t chant out loud do it silently in your head.
  8. Lay on your back with knees bent and have bare feet. Draw your navel back toward your spine and begin to stamp your feet up and down side to side.
  9. Add your hands by making fists and gently bang the floor.
  10. Lie on your front and draw your navel back toward your spine. Lift your face from the ground and softly turn your head from side to side, whilst banging your fists gently on the ground. Bend your legs as if you could tap your buttocks alternately with your heels. Much like a baby having a temper tantrum. DO NOT DO THIS IF YOU HAVE KNEE PROBLEMS!
  11. Take up Yoga
  12. Join a Pilates class
  13. Go to the coast when it’s cold, wet and empty, walk on the beach and scream as loud as you can.
  14. If you can get to a sandy beach, get a stick and draw a picture in the sand of the person who has hurt you the most and pelt the drawing with stones until the sea comes in and washes them away.
  15. Take up Drawing
  16. Take up Painting.
  17. Draw or paint your depression
  18. Paint or draw the depression with your non-dominant hand, even if it’s just a scribble.
  19. Walk… preferably with someone. If no one is around to walk with you, still decide to walk each day. Set small achievable goals to start with such as just walking to the end of the road, or the local shop and back. Swing your arms when you walk.ways to deal with depression sue smith the stresshacker
  20. Write therapy letters, these are letters addressed to the person/people you have issues with. Know that you will never send the letter so let ‘em have it! Don’t hold back, really speak your truth.
  21. Write a letter to yourself from the future. Imagine a time in the future envisage being free from depression and what advice would that older you give you now?
  22. Write a letter from now to a younger you who needed help and support, tell that younger you all the things you would like to have heard. Offer that you love, wisdom and protection.
  23. Write a letter from a stronger part of you to the ‘depressed’ part of you acknowledging that part’s pain and discomfort, reassure that part that it is loved and cared for. Ask that part what you can do for it to make things easier. Listen carefully and pay attention to the answers.ways to deal with depression sue smith the stresshacker
  24. Write a short stories killing off your bullies torturers or demons make sure you finish the story. THIS IS REALLY IMPORTANT
  25. Whatever you feel like, make a long list of the opposites for example

“ I feel like using drugs” becomes “I feel like I want to stay clean”

“I feel like giving up” becomes “I feel resilient and determined to fight on”

“ I can’t be bothered” becomes “I am now motivated and energized”

Have some fun and feel empowered by challenging your thoughts and feelings.

  1. Read your positive ‘opposites’ out loud in a strong loud voice with emphasis on the ‘I’
  2. Stamp your feet to a loud musical beat.
  3. Wave your arms up in the air from side to side until you feel physically exhausted.
  4. Close your eyes and imagine you feeling well and happy use every inch of your will power to envisage a confident strong you. Make the picture brighter, stronger, clearer, louder and closer until you start to feel excitement stirring somewhere within.
  5. Be creative and make something. Again, go to Youtube and put in simple arts and crafts and see what comes up that inspires you.
  6. Look up on Google or YouTube how to make paper mache. Now make your depression, no rules, just see what you come up with. You can decide later if you’ve created something rather beautiful from it to be admired and kept or whether it’s something you want destroy or dispose of.
  7. Do some gardening. If you don’t have a garden tend to one small plant, give it everything to nurture it and help it to grow.
  8. Make a list of healthy foods that if you had someone to cook for you, you would like to eat.
  9. Cook something simple and nourishing from your list.
  10. Get your shoes and socks off and get your feet in touch with grass, concrete, the bark of a tree, sand, or earth. Scrunch your feet until they feel really earthed and connected.
  11. Have a zingy cold showers try a mint or ginger shower gel.
  12. Develop a routine, for example aim for 8 hours sleep… there may be a tendency to sleep longer but don’t. Plan to get up and get moving.
  13. Make a pot of tea with the zest of an orange and 3 or 4 basil leaves; it’s always soothing for a sad heart.
  14. Put on a face pack (not just women) and take up the pose as if you’re about to do the Maori Haka Dance… then do the Maori Haka Dance (go to YouTube) to see it. Take a selfie so that you can laugh at yourself sometime later!
  15. If you have a car have a short drive around more deserted side streets and scream at the top of your lungs. Try AAAAHHH really loudly.
  16. Get an old roll of wallpaper. Spread it out and draw a picture of the person you have most issues with. Graffiti it! Write what you’d really like to say to that person all over it.
  17. Always aim to get some early morning sunlight. Even if the sun isn’t bright spend 10 minutes without sunglasses allowing light into your world.
  18. Don’t be on your own. If you can afford a therapist or counselor get one if not go to your GP and ask for a referral to a local organization that can offer you support.
  19. When you feel ready blow up as many balloons as you can. When you’ve finished, have a frenzied balloon bursting session ideally with your fingers.
  20. Ask everyone you know for a list of their funniest YouTube clips, films and books make a commitment to watch/read them over the next year.
  21. Drink lots of water.
  22. Get a set of beads, preferably mala beads ~(there are 108). Every day touch each bead whilst voicing a positive suggestion out loud. Such as “I am NOW healthy and well” “ I am NOW strong and bright” “I am NOW vibrant and happy”. Because the subconscious mind believes whatever it is told and simply stores that information and because the subconscious mind has no concept of past or future, it believes these suggestions when housed in the now! Do this for a week on a daily basis and let us know here at thestresshacker how you feel.
  23. De-clutter your spaces. Look at your belongings in an order as Marie Condo suggests in her book The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up. Get all your shoes together and decide which you no longer love or need and put them in a bin bag. Next go through your books and do the same. Then your crockery, your jumpers … get on a roll this becomes such a satisfying project. Pass it on. Take your ‘stuff’ to the local charity shop. Even if you think they’re rags, they can use them and remember to gift aid.
  24. Listen to uplifting songs and sing along.
  25. Finally here are some of the books that others have found useful in recovery The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle, The Road Less Travelled by Dr M. Scott Peck. You Can Heal Your Life by Louise Hay. Feel The Fear and Do It Anyway by Dr Susan Jeffers.

Please let me know how any of these activities help you. Comment below.

Also please look at our products and courses in The Stresshacker store to help assist you with your journey.

 

 

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28 Ways To Be On Top!

28 ways to be on top

How can you reach your destination if you haven’t got a map?

Do you know how to stay in adult mode?

Can you recognise the qualities and behaviours that belong to the adult part of you?

Are you becoming more adept at recognising your inner child’s behaviours and thoughts?

Can you identify when you’re in critical parent mode and use your map to snap out of it?

Add this list to your adult part and enjoy the process of growing up.

  1. Speak your truth
  2. Know yourself
  3. Nurture yourself
  4. Learn to be assertive
  5. Eat well.
  6. Have plenty of rest
  7. Exercise regularly
  8. Spend time with people who make you laugh
  9. Remember that variety is the spice of life
  10. Improve your confidence and self-esteem
  11. Become more congruent shed the ‘roles’ that make you feel a phoney
  12. If you lack it, develop integrity
  13. Be honest and truthful with yourself and others
  14. Spend time alone
  15. Do what you love to do
  16. Act as if you’re brave until you feel brave
  17. Explore and try something different a food, exercise, or hobby
  18. Say daily positive affirmations.
  19. Try journaling every day.
  20. Dump your grievances by writing therapy letters to those who have hurt you. (DON’T send them, tear them up after… it works!)
  21. Develop an attitude of gratitude write 3 things two or three times a week that you’re grateful for.
  22. Practice loving. Imagine you’re falling in love with yourself
  23. Be kind and forgiving to yourself
  24. Remind yourself it’s okay to say No
  25. Set goals for the experiences you want to have
  26. Upgrade your programs with hypnotherapy
  27. Be kind and gentle with your inner child
  28. Be firm and boundaried with your inner parent. (Don’t let it take over!)

Enjoy and let me have your feedback!

Podcast 8

Anxiety is fear. I suppose it is more socially acceptable to say “I suffer from anxiety” rather than say “I’m frightened” or “I’m scared.”

You won’t find a specific pill, or approach to addressing your anxiety because the root, that is, the cause of my anxiety is going to be different from yours. It is specific to the individual.

What I would say is if you have tried lots of different approaches, lots of self help, mediation, etc and the anxiety doesn’t shift in any way, then you do probably need to enlist help. A counselor psychotherapist, hypnotherapist or coach will all have excellent skills to help navigate your way out of feeling so bad.

It’s horrible to feel that way.

Antidotes and Remedies.

1. Letter writing

Hand write letters to people who have frightened you the most. Really go for it and say all the things you would like to have said at the time. Tell them exactly what you think of them. Vent your spleen! Speak your truth.

TEAR THE LETTER UP! – DO NOT SEND IT.

This exercise is for you to cathart (release). Do not send the letters you write because the likelihood of those people changing is as high as pigs flying through the air! This a cleansing ritual for you.

The logic behind this exercise is that your subconscious mind, which is about 90% of your mental energy – another way of thinking of your subconscious mind is that it is your long term memory. Totally accepts whatever you tell it. It cannot judge it will believe that you have actually said these things to the person. Because it believes you have said these things, you begin to feel empowered as you address your demons, so to speak.

2. Art therapy to address Anxiety.

Get a big sheet of paper, maybe like the reverse side of a roll of old wallpaper. Draw a life-size picture of the person who has caused the most upset for you. Then once it’s drawn. Write all over it. Grafitti it. You might ask questions of this person such as WHY? Scrawl that right across the persons body. You might choose to walk up and down all over this drawing, stamping on them. You might choose to draw a big Zip over their mouth so that they can no longer say those things that upset you so much. Or cover their eyes up by drawing a big pair of sunglasses or scribbling over their eyes. Do you get the idea? Once you have finished ‘addressing’ this person, rip the whole drawing up into tiny pieces and take it outside and stick it in the rubbish where it belongs.

… more art therapy for anxiety..

Take a sheet of paper and with your non-dominant hand draw your anxiety  – don’t worry no-one else will see this except for you. It does not have to be perfect.

Next draw a picture (with either hand) that looks like how it would feel if you could shrink and contain that anxiety or fear.

You can keep adding new drawings of what you feel diminishing fear would look like.

3. Assertiveness

Many people feel afraid to be assertive. In fact if you ask people what it is they often mistake it for being aggressive. IT IS NOT.

People who are assertive are basically people who are comfortable with their truth. They feel okay about telling people what is okay and what is not. They have spent time getting to know themselves well enough to know that we can all have different perspectives. If my perspective is different from yours, it doesn’t make me a liar, or a trouble maker or difficult, it just means I see things differently from you,

If we are all sitting in a big hall watching one person if I’m at the front looking up at this person, do I have the same view as the girl sitting right at the back to the left? Of course not, but it’s the same hall and the same person just different perspectives.

Many of us are passive and as a consequence get taken advantage of or walked over. After some time we may decide we cannot let this keep happening and we become more vigiliant and watchful as a way of looking out for and protecting. We jump on the next person who tries to take advantage of us, maybe then we become aggressive.

Neither end of the spectrum is balanced. The middle ground is to be assertive. This sits in the middle of being passive or aggressive.

Unless you were fortunate enough to have excellent role models, you will have to learn to be assertive. You have to learn to be comfortable enough in your skin to risk talking about how you really feel and strong enough to stand up for your feelings and truth.

This takes time and some educating. So read about assertiveness, take courses and workshops, listen to my download Assertiveness Now.

It cannot happen without you putting some work into it.  And you wont regret it. Learning to stand up for yourself will be one of the best things you’ve ever done. It will help you to feel worthy and valuable, nurtured and protected.

4. MOVE! 

Your body holds your fears and anxiety so move your body! Do some gentle stretching. Or run, jog, exercise. Lay on the floor with your knees bent pull you navel back in and stamp your feet and bang your fists on the floor whilst shouting aaaaah! Externalise these feelings. Get them out. You’ll feel lighter and more spacious in your body afterwards.

5. What Scares You Most?

Write a long list of all the things that frighten you.

Now look at each question and ask yourself honestly “Is it true?”

If it’s true, what can you do to change something about this situation?  Write it down, go on, anything even the tiniest  thing to make a small shift in this situation?

Remember of course that the power to change is within us. We cannot change anyone else. Even if you’re in the worst possible situation ever, start to make an escape plan, write down the steps that you need to take to get out of this job, relationship or situation.

When you write things down you are beginning to make a commitment to yourself to make your life better and become empowered.

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Down With Depression

Down With Depression
Depression Sucks

When depression descends it‘s not easy to shake yourself out of it and for some just not possible at all, so if that’s you, you might want to stop reading now.

Many people who experience depression say that as part of it, they feel helpless and hopeless and it’s understandable as it can leave you feeling stuck and impotent. Anyone can be hit by depression at any time in life and it’s important  not to judge.

It’s also important to know that it’s not your fault and doubtless you have done and are doing the best you can. It can be very irritating if not downright annoying to have people tell you to snap out of it and I wonder if one of the reasons is that for some, depression is an inward expression of anger. To have well meaning people lay unhelpful platitudes on you, can triggers more frustration and can make the depression even more intense.

My personal experience of depression and that of working with others is that it invariably strikes people who are highly thoughtful, sensitive and usually kind and caring. They ‘feel’ deeply and can struggle with boundaries, because they are used to picking up on the emotions of other’s but aren’t used to protecting themselves from it. Like a sponge they unconsciously mop up negative energy from those around them.

Developing a supportive inner voice can help. Over time I learned to tell myself that ‘this will pass’  and for me it did and thankfully  I did not remain in a permanent state of depression.  Knowing that it would pass I was able to use this knowledge to help myself. I would sit in the same place each time – in my case my wicker meditation chair and remind myself that nothing stays the same and that it would pass. When you’re in the midst of it however you can be forgiven for thinking it wont!

Funny thing is, even some of my closest friends may be surprised to discover that I’ve wrestled with depression and the reason for this is that I’m not a lover of labels, so I’ve chosen to not say that I have had depression. My concern was that it would become ‘my’ depression and I certainly never wanted it to be mine!

Here are a couple of things that have helped me in the past and others I’ve worked with.

Down With Depression
Call a friend

Sit with a trusted friend or therapist and investigate the last 3 or 4 episodes of depression with a view to identifying what the triggers were. Aim to recall what happened the day or the night before. What did you eat or do, what time did you go to bed, what were you watching, who did you see, what activity were you participating in before the depression started? Aim to unearth the patterns that lead to the depression and make them more conscious.

When we throw light on something that has previously been unconscious i.e. in the dark, it usually has the effect of de-potenising it, taking away some of it’s power.

Don’t do this on your own, because you obviously don’t want to trigger an episode.

Once armed with a knowledge of the patterns or people that seem to trigger the depression  you can start looking at things to put in place to avoid those triggers. For example if you realize that depression can start when you lay in bed thinking about things for too long, or listening to the news, train yourself to get up within 5 minutes of waking up, or make the decision to turn off the news and choose something more positive to listen to.

You can use stick thinking i.e. “If I lay here any longer I know I’ll end up with that sinking feeling in my stomach that leads to me feeling really stuck and miserable” or carrot thinking… “If I get up now I can get on with… or meet up with so-and-so to walk her dog, or to just make a nice cup of coffee and listen to the birds singing”

Commit to becoming vigilant and aim to catch the depression as it starts, imagine you’re a spy and your brief is to watch and wait to ‘catch’ it before it takes hold so that you can interrupt the pattern it takes.

Make a decision to do something different until you notice a change no matter how subtle. Even a tiny shift can make a huge change to the way you feel.

That shift might be an arrangement that you strike up with a trusted friend to call them the minute you feel the depression starting so that they can come over to support and motivate you to do something different. This is of course by prior agreement.

Whilst we know that exercise is a great way to combat depression, it isn’t always easy or possible for everyone to join a gym however one simple step that you could take is this.

Stand with your feet hip width apart and raise your arms up slowly up into the air as you breathe in. Then slowly breathe out through your mouth like you’re blowing air out with a long sigh as you bring your arms back down. Do this at least 10 times – longer if possible. Do it several times a day on a bad day.

You are lifting your heart and lungs with this simple movement, engaging your cardio-vascular and respiratory systems which change your breath, your mental state and of course your physiology. This can be done sitting down too.

Depression isn’t just a state of mind; it can also be a feeling that emerges somewhere in the body or just outside of it.

Depression has been described by some as a heavy weight, a black hole or a dark cloud hovering over them.  Others say it starts as a sinking feeling in their stomach and some say that it’s like having someone or something sitting on them. No wonder then, that people can feel stuck or disempowered.

It can be helpful to externalize the feelings and one way to do this is by drawing or painting your feelings on paper. No rules, you don’t have to have any artistic skills, nobody else will see this – unless you choose to share it.

When you’ve finished drawing,  bin it, burn it or bury it but get rid of it. By doing so you’re making  a powerful symbolic statement – to your unconscious mind-  that you’re taking action to erase it.

Another powerful thing to do is to write, by hand, letters to people who you feel have a part in your depression whether past, present, dead or alive.  I’ve worked with many people with depression who have been bullied in the past and when they’ve done what I suggest here they have been amazed at the results. You really will feel lighter when you do this.

Write to the bullies, tell them exactly what you think of them.  Let the people who have played a part in the way that you feel, know your truth, tell them exactly how you feel. When you’ve finished the letter  bin it, burn it, or bury it but definitely get rid of it permanently, this is the most important step.   I do not advocate sending the letters – this is for you, it’s your therapy.

Your unconscious mind believes whatever is put into it, so it will believe that  you’ve sent the letters, even though you know at a conscious level you haven’t.

This might sound ridiculously simple but it really can take care of unfinished business in the back of the mind. Don’t take my word for it try it yourself to find out that this powerful exercise really does work!

Anything that you can do to empower yourself will be helpful

So the next time you’re feeling brighter write a list of the things that lift you and allow you to feel glad to be in the world. Put that list on the inside of a cupboard or on a mirror where you can see it to remind yourself to take tiny steps toward a better day.

Although I would never say  I’ll never be depressed again, I do feel fortunate to be free of depression these days. I have used all the tools and tips I write about and whilst I appreciate that they may not be for everyone, I sincerely hope they help someone.

Also please look at our products and courses in The Stresshacker store to help assist you with your journey.