Category: Relationships

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5 Tips To Deal With Christmas Stress

A GIFT FOR YOU

People often ask me how to deal with Stress at Christmas time and there are ways to cope, so read on…

But first things first. If you have been or are going to be a client, Yoga student or customer at my little shop at The Stresshacker, then THANK YOU! I really value your support and to show my appreciation I attach a small gift that has HUGE worth. You can unwrap it at the bottom of the page.A GIFT FOR YOU

Do You Find It Hard To Be Honest?

One of the reasons people struggle with stress is because they have difficulty in telling the truth. I’m not suggesting you’re a liar but do you find it challenging to be up front about the way you feel?

Let me give you an example, Martin dreaded the thought of spending the Christmas break with his family. Whilst he enjoyed Christmas day with his Mum, Dad and Sister, the thought of the wider festivities on Boxing day, filled him with horror.

Why? Martin is an introvert and finds it extremely uncomfortable to engage in crowds, family or not! He avoids social gatherings at work and with groups of friends for the same reason.
After some coaching, Martin became sufficiently comfortable to own his truth, that he would rather stick pins in his eyes than attend the family party!

He decided to honour his truth and explained his level of discomfort to his family. In his eyes, being with them on Christmas Eve and Christmas day was desirable, reasonable and for him, a compromise but he would not go to the party. Being firm in his decision formed part of his coaching.

The outcome was interesting, his mother found it hard to understand, as an extrovert and somewhat of a people pleaser she attempted some emotional blackmail with Martin, but he was prepared for this and stood firm.

It was made easier by the fact that his father (also an introvert but hadn’t realised it!) praised Martin for being forthright and wished he’d been able to do the same!

His sister also empathised and thought he was right to speak out. His mother didn’t really ‘get him’ but wanted all to be well and was happy to make excuses for him with the extended family, which of course was more her issue than his.

By being honest with himself first, Martin was able to explore what needed to happen to find Christmas a less stressful and happy occasion and to live a more congruent life.

If you’re struggling to be more up front you’ll find Assertive Empowerment Now an easy way to sharpen your skills, it’s a training download that I created, you can get yours here
Meanwhile here are 5 Tips To Deal With Christmas Stress

1. Give yourself Space. Create a short Mediation practice that takes you out of the situation into another room. Even 5 minutes  now and then will give you time to relax and reset.

2. Use the 6 Healing Sounds. This amazing little technique can cool a hot temper and soothe stress in seconds. It’s an ancient tried and tested Qigong practice that I have recorded for you as a gift.

3. Use the 6 Healing Sou…no only joking but really, it’s that good and all you’ll need to calm your stress. It will also help you if you suffer from insomnia.

4. Exercise. Get up and move! It’s a bad habit to sit for long periods of time. Take a short walk 20 minutes is fine. Or swing your arms up over your head and clap your hands together 50 times. Then hold onto a surface and swing one leg back and forth 50 times, repeat on the other side. Don’t take my word for the incredible benefits from this. Do it and see for yourself.

5. When the kids or family are driving you mad, HUM! Yes, Hum. Breathe in through the nose and feel the gentle vibration on your lips as you hum. When we get irritated and stressed we tend to hold our breath. Humming encourages letting go and  balanced breathing.

Open your gift here 

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Open Heart Therapy

Release Old Hurts

When a client asked “What is Open Heart Therapy?”   We went on to talk about the effects of being emotionally hurt, I think most of us have some experience of this.

Does anyone sail through life without being wounded at some point? Heal Your Heart

When we feel hurt, scared and rejected the natural response is to withdraw, close down and push away in order to protect ourselves.

This shutting down often takes place in the heart area. It can be a gradual closing down from small childhood hurts to a more sudden snapping shut after a major rejection.

The fall-out from this ‘protection’ can be devastating and one of the consequences is poor communication. In our efforts to keep ourselves safe, we can end up closing down in the throat area, meaning that open honest conversation is a no-go.

Instead of juicy heartfelt conversations that lead to  real intimacy and healthy relationships, important dialogues  left unsaid will have negative effects.  Couples I’ve worked with talk about avoiding direct eye contact, instead talking about mundane things like the weather or “What’s for dinner.” Humour can also be used to avoid genuine connection or worse still, no conversation at all as couples polarise to opposite ends of the bed, room, home or country.

Rather than searching or waiting impotently for someone else to provide the magical key that will open our hearts and free our speech, it is possible to take control and do it ourselves.

In a secure environment we can gently work on the business of improving our relationships, with ourselves first and then as a natural evolution, with others.

The benefits of this heart work are manifold as we learn to accept our unique selves and practice self-love,  we can breathe more easily, feel authentic, empowered and more comfortable in our skin.

When we fill our own cup first, we have more to offer others, you cannot serve from a depleted cup.Release Old Hurts

Back in 2004 I ran the first ‘Open Heart Therapy’ workshop in Holmes Place and a few times since then but NOW definitely seems the right time to open up the heart chakra and get the other centres energised and spinning.

If you’re ready for the ‘Open Heart Therapy’ challenge you can book your space on this Saturday’s workshop Registration closes Friday 5th  March 2021 at 1.00pm. Book here or drop me an email at Sue@thestresshacker.com to join us.

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6 Survival Tips For A Stress Free Christmas

How to cope with Christmas

Surviving Christmas Stress:

I love that quote …“Think you’re enlightened? Spend a week with your family!”

For many, family is the messiest part of life. People just won’t do what we want them to do will theyHow to cope with Christmas!

Christmas holidays often mean spending prolonged periods of time with people who can push your emotional buttons, so what’s your plan to survive Christmas and the strong opinions or personalities that can arise at this time?  Check out my tips below.

1. Meditation

The Christmas holidays are a perfect time to develop a regular mediation habit. Start with  5 minutes, building to 7 and then 10 minutes a day by week two.  Along with enormous health benefits, at this time of year meditation can offer you the perfect excuse to get away and give yourself some much needed time and space. Check out my other blogs or click here for simple meditation techniques.

2. Breathe To Alleviate Boredom

I remember someone telling me of their dread of the office party and the boring conversations they had to endure each year. If you get stuck with the office bore try practising a simple breathing technique whilst they’re talking to you. Keep looking at the person and subtly bring your awareness to your nostrils, silently count One on your next inbreath, two before you breathe out, three as you exhale and four before you breathe in again. When you’ve counted 5 ‘whole’ breaths in this way make your excuses ” well, it’s been great catching up and I want to talk to …. now, enjoy the rest of the party” and run!

3. Develop compassion.

If step 2 seems a bit harsh, maybe you can develop the art of active listening? You’re with the office bore again (except you no longer refer to them in such a way) imagine you can drop down into a very peaceful space within and begin listening with an open heart, i.e. with absolutely no expectations, no desire to escape and without a need to fix them, question them or judge anything they say. Good luck with that!

4. Boundaries. Where are yours?

What is your tolerance level for a particular person? So for example you don’t get along with your sister can you sit open-heartedly listening to her for 5 minutes or 10? What and where is your limit? It’s important to know yourself in this respect. Think about these interactions ahead of time.  Once you’ve reached your tolerance level with that particular person have  an “I need to get up and get some water” statement handy, so that you can change your position and your state. Plan ahead, is it possible to arrange to sit next to someone you do enjoy talking to?

5. Booze. Is it time to monitor your intake?

At what point might you say something you could regret? If two drinks leave you merry and sweet but four make you a bit mouthy…  perhaps you need a plan. Think ahead. How do you want to feel when you wake up after you’ve been out partying? When you look back over the previous evening’s events do you want to be happy with your ruminations or will you be cringing because of something you said or did?  Will that extra drink make the difference?  Plan ahead and decide when enough is enough. Before you go out think about an alternative to alcohol get a really clear picture of it in your mind, for example imagine a nice glass of sparkling tonic water with a shot of lime cordial and a twist of lemon, or a pot of freshly brewed coffee.

6. Kindness

Christmas is an especially good time to be thoughtful, kind and generous to others but I hear so often of people (usually women) who have run themselves ragged trying to make the perfect Christmas for others only to end up ‘coming down with something’. So be kind to yourself first, it’s then easier to give authentically to others.  Make time for you and as you give yourself a bit of space  ask yourself “what do I want, what do I need.” When your cup is full there’s a tendency to only want for the good of others and if you’re okay,  you’re in a better position to take care of others.

Thank you for taking the time to read my blogs, visit the site and purchase products I really value your feedback.

Wishing my family, friends, clients, yoga students and readers a great Christmas and all you would wish for yourself throughout 2019.

Remember if you know of anyone who might benefit, my shop is stocked full of hypnosis programs designed to boost confidence, counter stress, deal with anxiety, sleep problems and other issues. Psst! Pass it on please…

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RAPE OF THE HEART

Many years ago, I did some work with the dynamic authors and couple therapists Helena Lovendal and Nick Duffell. This is where I first heard the term ‘rape of the heart’. A phrase afforded to the men who as boys, became the confidante and major source of emotional support to their mothers.

This can happen for a variety of reasons, though fundamentally as a result of the father being absent whether literally as in dead, estranged from the family, unavailable due to work commitments or more often emotionally absent. This coupled with needy or emotionally stunted mothers, sets the scene for a ‘rape of the heart’.

Similarly to girls, boys have a heightened awareness and sensitivity to their mothers needs. By the time a boy is 5 years old, he is said to know all of his mothers unfulfilled dreams and heartaches. This is mentally confusing and emotionally too much for their hearts to bear. In an effort to survive psychically, they detach themselves in favour of climbing trees and kicking footballs.

In this detachment they shut down their hearts for protection, not wanting to continue the painful connection because ultimately they cannot meet the needs of their mother or fix her pain. The fact that it is not their place to do so, is beyond their comprehension. The already emotionally overburdened boy, carries a sense of guilt for not being able to be the ‘man’ his mother needs.

Disappointed and disillusioned with the ‘absent’ husband,  the mother can unconsciously or consciously place both insidious and overt demands on her son to ‘hold the space’ emotionally for her.  This makes contributes hugely to the later failure in his relationships and the subsequent emotional and psychological pain and torment that can plague his life.

Fast forward 30 odd years. The boy, now a man, is in a troubled relationship. Sitting in front of me with his partner, I ask what they want from therapy.  He says with a pained expression “I just want her to be happy” she says with frustration “ He doesn’t get me because he never really listens to me”. Neither of them can understand what went wrong. Both tell me how much in love and happy they were in the beginning. They thought they were a perfect match.

Naturally it will take time for them to explore their dynamic and to understand some of the more subtle issues in their relationship.

If he is able to grasp the concept that the closer he and his partner become and the more intimate their relationship, the more threatening this feels for him at a deeper unconscious level. His visceral memory associates closeness and intimacy with the deep emotional wound of not being ‘enough’ for his mother.

As his partner opens up to him, expecting connection because for her, this is the foreplay, the intimacy.  He instinctively pulls away and shuts down. He is fearful that he wont be able to  ‘fix’ his partner, so it’s easier for him to disconnect.   As this unconscious reflection plays out in their relationship it threatens their connection.

Once he gains understanding and insight of this unconscious programming, he can start to clear the mental fog of confusion and become more congruent. In time he learns to feel more comfortable with the intimacy and improves his communication with his partner.

If you have found this article thought provoking please feel free to pass it on to anyone who you think would be interested too.

 

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Are You Fat Focused?

Do you obsess about food?
file2791247193219

Are you constantly on and off of the scales?

Do you worry about sticking to a diet?

Are you always counting calories?

If you don’t care about being overweight then fine, don’t read on but if you’re constantly striving to lose weight only to put it back on, or are stuck in the yo-yo pattern of dieting you might want to try a new approach.

The majority of people with weight problems tend to be consumed by thoughts of what, when and how they will eat or drink. Constant worrying about food and focusing on feeling fat are your worst enemies in the pursuit of losing weight.

I know that the easiest way to lose weight and keep it off is to change your mind-set. Here are 3 ways you can do it

  1. Update Your Mental Software.
  2. Throw Away Your Scales.
  3. Reprogram Your Mind using language it understands.

Change your mind and keep the change

 Discover the best way to finally dump your negative thoughts and feelings. Upgrade your mindset and rebuild your self-esteem with my Mindful Weight Loss approach.

1. Update Your Mental Software

Are you interested in the quickest way to do this? Hypnosis. Reprogram your mind, by-pass the negative inner chatter and input positive thoughts that will change the way you feel. 21 days of consistent listening to positive, upbeat suggestions of self-love will have you automatically making better choices. You will find everything easier when you feel positive and confident.

The biggest part of your mind, the subconscious mind believes whatever it is told. What are you telling yourself about your size, weight, or the way you look?

2. Throw Away Your Scales.file0001481171194

Hopping on and off of scales create a hopeless addiction, get rid of them, they’re work of the devil! They lie too! Have you ever jumped on your scales and felt your heart soar because you’d shed a little weight? Only to get on your friend’s scales (because you couldn’t resist) to find you’d gained some weight?

Scales encourage negative thinking that will quickly spiral you down into feeling out of control, this is my opinion based on 28 years of facilitating weight loss with thousands of people.

Stop kidding yourself. You WILL KNOW WHEN YOU’VE LOST WEIGHT when your trousers feel loose or more comfortable, or when you no longer need to loosen your belt whilst eating. Resist the temptation to  buy  clothes in bigger sizes and work your way back into the wardrobe you have, by being kind, encouraging and loving to yourself. I go into the psychology of this more in the course.

3. Picture The Best You

Picture The Best You… develop the habit of putting yourself into a gentle state of relaxation (yes, this can be done on the train on your way to work, or just as you drift off to sleep) once relaxed; create pictures of you in your minds eye being the best version of you. Imagine yourself feeling, fit, flexible and strong. If you’re visual (I’m not so I just get on and imagine) visualize yourself doing and being who you are when you are what makes you feel the best. For example, see you looking very much in control, relaxed, confident, peaceful, in love with and loving yourself. See yourself sufficiently confident to make better choices. Encourage yourself to exercise by persistently picturing yourself swimming, walking or taking a class in the gym.

Your subconscious mind believes whatever you tell it… what are you telling it?

More importantly the language of the biggest part of your mind (the subconscious) is imagery, so it prefers to receive positive images. Don’t take my word for it, try it yourself regularly.

Don’t be shy, take advantage of the Ask Sue facility here on the website and ask me any questions you have about losing weight.

If you’ve any questions about my Mindful Weight Loss course ask away! The course is unique and I created it more with the idea of helping people to become happier and more at peace with themselves with the weight loss being more a by- product of that. There is no dieting involved in this course, although you do need to want to lose weight and be prepared to make a commitment to doing so.

So if you know someone who would find this useful please pass it onto them.

 

 

 

 

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CAN YOU HEAR ME?

Brian Tracy quote

When we pay full attention to what someone is saying, it contributes to people feeling validated and recognised.sw_Listening_sa209430

One of the most valuable gifts you can give someone is to be present for them whilst they talk to you. If you think back over your last interaction with someone, did you listen properly? By this I mean really listen to them with your full attention?

Modern psychology states that something like 78% of our communication is non-verbal. This means when people are speaking their words may be saying one thing but their tonality, the volume of what they’re saying and body language, may all be communicating something else.

For example someone says, “Of course I love you!” in an aggressive tone. Or someone is saying yes whilst unconsciously shaking his or her head side to side in a ‘No’ fashion.

It’s the same when we’re listening, if we are only half paying attention to what someone is saying, we are giving mixed messages. What we’re really saying is, I’m not really listening because what I’d like to be getting on with, or saying is far more important than anything you have to say! These mixed messages are confusing for people and add to negative feelings and low self-esteem. It’s poor communication.

Successful business entrepreneur Brian Tracy uses the quote ‘Seek first to understand, then to be understood’ a good premise for excellent communication.

Brian Tracy quote

The art of active listening requires practice and since many people like to talk about themselves, there’s usually plenty of opportunity for that.

Effective listening underpins healthy, positive relationships.

How do you stop your mind from wandering when the person in front of you is talking and perhaps you’ve heard it all before? Breathe, focus on your breath for a moment and then guide your unruly mind back to the person on the other end of the phone or the face of the person who’s standing in front of you. What if that was the last time you ever saw them, spoke with them? Would you be happy at how you had received them?

I once witnessed a situation where one person was sharing something really personal and heartfelt and the other person emptied the entire contents of her handbag looking for something. When the first person stopped talking the other eventually looked up and said “Go on, I am listening.” Was that active listening? What do you think?

So what is active listening? Here’s my top ten tips for attentive listening.

  1. Where possible stop what you are doing
  2. Make eye contact with the person who is speaking.
  3. Stand or sit directly in front of them.
  4. Aim to keep your own facial expressions to a minimum, no raised eyebrows or eyes rolling to the sky.
  5. Remain still, without fiddling or rummaging when someone is speaking to you.
  6. Refrain from sounds such as ‘tut’ ‘phew’ or other non-verbal sounds.
  7. When you think they have finished speaking, allow a space, they may not have finished.
  8. Don’t talk over people.
  9. Don’t interrupt.
  10. If someone is talking slower than your mind is working, don’t finish their sentences, there’s just a chance, you’re not a mind reader and don’t quite know what they’re going to say.

Looking forward to your feedback.

Sue

 

 

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Why The Hell Are You So Angry?

family

Following on from the theme of Parent Adult Child in last week’s blog, you might consider the above question and wonder, ‘where does your anger come from’?

I’m not talking about the every day irritability that people might feel with the small things in life, more the red mist, and uncontrollable rage that so many people report in therapy rooms across the globe.

When you go from zero to a hundred in a split second, or snap without warning at your child, where are you coming from?

Is it your parent part or your child part, or maybe both!

familyAs I’ve stated before, these parts are like automatons. They hold the codes –the early messages from your childhood – in your mind and more importantly your body.

In my experience people feel anger and then react to that feeling. As a loose guideline, your inner child may hold the feelings in the stomach, chest, throat, jaw and fists. The feelings generate thought patterns and thoughts generate behaviours.

It goes without saying that this doesn’t apply to every one and depends very much on your own personal history and upbringing. Explore your own programing to determine where the messages in the back of your mind come from.

I’m not suggesting that the ‘adult’ doesn’t get a little angry from time to time, but we might like to think that the ‘adult’ is the part of us that feels in control, balanced, relaxed, calm and confident – this is way that most clients say they want to feel.

As I said in the last blog, if the programs of the parent and child are pretty much set in stone, then the adult is the only place where we can set goals and make changes. That’s because your subconscious mind is willing to store all information regardless of whether it’s true or false.

thinking and feeling

If our aspiration is to be relaxed, confident and in control then our adult will learn to be assertive, because that assertiveness is that balance between passive and aggressive.

It is less likely that the ‘adult’ part has uncontrollable out-bursts, a seething rage, or smouldering, inverted anger. These little joys are more likely to belong to our inner child or the parent part and often this anger can be attributed to both child and parent.

By way of example, picture the scene. Sophia has not learned assertive skills so instead of communicating well with her husband Bob, she keeps it all bottled up inside. She often shoots dirty looks at Bob and stamps about banging doors and sighing loudly. All the while their daughter Sally, witnesses this non-verbal communication.

Bob also lacking assertive skills picks finally snaps and explodes in rage that is terrifying for all.

This becomes the map for Sally to follow, she begins to sigh loudly, to bang and thump around, she may shoot filthy looks at her mother when she can’t get her own way.

Sally will also draw on her father’s map and may react passively around her parents’ anger, fearfully withdrawn until finally exploding in a tantrum.

Later as an adult this is the baggage Sally eventually unpacks in her own relationships. That’s just her half! His map bringing his own baggage will guide her partner.

Naturally there are many variations on this scene.

Wherever you’re coming from maybe it’s time to bring more peace into your world by developing your adult part learning some assertive skills to improve your communication within yourself and with others.

Enjoy!

Suex xx

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Here we go again! Ever wondered why you’re back in the same situation?

Take steps to care for yourself as if you were something special to cherish, something valuable.

Whether consciously or subconsciously, we recreate scenarios around us that are familiar. We do this in an effort to feel safe and comfortable.

In the extreme, we may be driven to consistently select undesirable partners who are unkind and abusive. You might hear people say things like “she/he was so nice in the beginning and couldn’t do enough for me. I had no idea she was violent!”

On a more superficial level we may always go to the same café for coffee each morning, taking comfort in seeing the same people and repeating that pattern. It’s warm and cosy, safe and familiar.

Have you noticed that we are subject to recurring themes and patterns in our lives?

These patterns continue to generate the same thoughts, emotions and behaviours that bear out our personal stories, our themes.

For example people who are insecure and have a deep-rooted sense of rejection, will often find themselves in situations that seem to confirm the very thing they most fear. Rejection. At a subconscious level they constantly recreate dramas that ‘prove’ their beliefs.

There’s a bizarre comfort for them in this. A sort of ‘there we are I knew it. No-body loves me’ story, which allows them to be right!

Unaware of the subconscious patterns, they allow their inner chatter to dictate to them, building stories based on negative thoughts. The negative thoughts subsequently stimulate unpleasant emotions. The emotions act as drivers that impact their behaviour. This in turn often provokes the very thing they are afraid of, rejection and the whole cycle starts again.

These recurring themes are often reinforced year after year. Even when there’s clear evidence of the behaviour that is hurting them, such as a string of failed relationships with a similar vein (like choosing that type of partner again,) they continue to act out in the same way because it’s familiar. Like a pair of comfy old slippers!

So how can we change?

Even when we are conscious of our patterns and behaviours and want to change, it takes a fair bit of mental and emotional discipline to avoid the same mistakes.

Let’s take someone who is feeling insecure, it’s likely they will have a program running in the subconscious mind that says ‘you are not loveable, worthy of being cared for, or deserving’. The good news is, that it is possible for thoughts and feelings like these to diminish in the face healthier ways of thinking.

Counselling and psychotherapy can help to explore the recurring themes and the subconscious desire to revisit them (repetition compulsion). There are other things you can do to help yourself and here’s a couple of suggestions.

Take steps to care for yourself as if you were something special to cherish, something valuable.

Exercise

Self-nurturing is imperative. Write down seven ways you can nurture yourself,

It may range from a fundamental:

1.) Cook proper warm meals for myself.

to a more intense

2.) Dump the abusive partner.

It will have taken years for the maladaptive behaviours and patterns to emerge so there’ll be a fair bit to combat. The quickest, and most painless approach I know to changing how we think and feel, is with hypnotherapy and hypnosis programs.

Stress Free with Confidence or Supercharge Your Confidence is one of the easiest and ways to reprogram your subconscious mind.

Discipline yourself to listen a minimum of once a day. An ideal time is last thing at night as you settle down to sleep and requires minimal effort. Within a month of listening you will notice a huge shift in how you think and feel. As you retrain the brain you’ll notice new patterns that will lead to a more relaxed, positive productive way of being. This then impacts your behaviour and finally your patterns begin to change.

Because the subconscious mind believes whatever it’s told your self-esteem has to grow stronger at the very least this prepares you to look more deeply at your modus operandi with a view to making change.

Let me know how you get on

Sue xx

oh and by the way, if my example of the unsuitable partner has a resonance for you, go over and have a look at Natalie Lue’s ‘Baggage Reclaim’ site which is brimming with good advice.

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Get Ahead Of The Times! Try this amazing technique if you need advice or support

Arnhem Market Sep 20 2013 (51)Last week I asked you to write a letter to your younger teenage self offering guidance and support,  or words of wisdom. Some of you wrote telling me how good it felt to get that encouragement. Thank you for the feedback!

Don’t underestimate the power of engaging with yourself in this way.

I can’t say it often enough that your subconscious mind is not time bound and does not judge.

With that in mind here’s this week’s challenge.

Continue reading Get Ahead Of The Times! Try this amazing technique if you need advice or support

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What would you say to your younger self if you had the chance?

walk-1March 8th is International Women’s Day and YouTubers and Twitter users are part of the #DearMe campaign that aims to ‘empower young women everywhere’. Women all over the world are writing and recording messages of advice and wisdom to their younger selves, to drive the message home.

Many psychotherapists offer similar techniques when aiming to empower clients. Having people close their eyes and imagine connecting with a younger part of themselves, then offering support, love or protection to that younger part can be an incredibly empowering and healing intervention.

This is because the subconscious mind cannot tell the difference between something real or imagined.

It lacks the power of discernment and will readily accept a new and improved version of an event (it’s a bit more complex than that, but that’s it in a nutshell). The subconscious mind is not time bound so doesn’t really recognise past or future, it just IS. As such, rescuing a hurt inner child and comforting it really does make that part of you feel better.

A lack of self-esteem partly arises from us rejecting ourselves at different points in our lives

If we have ever felt isolated, guilty,  lonely, bullied,  blamed or shamed we  may reject that part of ourselves in an attempt to feel better. By banishing that aspect we aim to feel worthy and more loveable. That may work as a temporary measure but we are likely to feel empty and unloveable as adults unless we heal and empower these parts.

So here’s my challenge to you this week

(Oh and it isn’t just for women since I know I have some male readers too). Sit down with a pen and paper (you know my rule about being creative away from the computer) and write a letter from you now, to your younger self. Offer words of support, love and compassion.

If you really could step back in time and re-write the script and tell yourself not to worry, to recognise your skills and talents what would that letter look and sound like? Give it your best shot, imagine that you really are sitting there with the younger you, who most needs help and encouragement, try asking what that part of you really needs to feel positive and confident then take a few moments to listen, really listen to the inner response from that part. You might be surprised what comes up.

Here’s a clip from my letter to a younger part…” continue to care about others, Sue, that’s a really nice aspect of you, and make sure that you care about yourself just as much too. It’s okay to put yourself first sometimes.”

Let me know how you get on. If you need extra help try Stress Free With Confidence or Super Charge Your Self Esteem from the shop.

Suex