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Mistakes we make in relationships

Although I trained as a Psychotherapist and Yoga teacher back in the early 90’s, to keep the qualification, it is a requirement to continue my education in these fields this is called CPD (Continued Professional Development.)

Each year I choose a training,  workshop, study or webinar  to further my education and recently I attended a great CPD about the mistakes that we make in our relationships. I thought I’d share some of my learning.

Relationship Mistake No. 1

Stop trying to change your partner. Why? Because you can’t. It turns out that you’re not a God after-all and you’re not them, so you can’t change someone else.

When you really stop to think about it, it’s actually quite egotistical to think that we could have the power to change someone else?

A Truth

Whoever you’re in this relationship with, know this, they are unlikely to change. Even if a tactic you employ such as shouting or crying works, it will only be temporary and is unlikely to change their behaviour for good. Just think of all that wasted energy.

Here’s an interesting question, knowing that you can’t change them, how do you feel? Helpless? Frustrated? Angry?

The trouble with anger is that is often leads to blaming, victimising and even bullying and then you  still end up feeling bad or helpless.

The other place we can step into is a state of helplessness, which leads to victim thinking and behaviour.  So ultimately, trying to change someone or something that is beyond your control leads to us feeling bad.

It’s a choice

So what is the solution? Acceptance, if we are prepared to deal in the truth that this is the reality, this is what he/she/they are like, take it or leave it.  Can you accept them as they are?  Beneath your desire to change them, what did you originally love about them? Can you embrace that again? What is it that they do that you do like? Can you build on this?

Another thing that you can do to empower yourself, is to take your focus away from them and put the spotlight on you instead. What can you change about you? That’s where your power really is. Maybe it’s time to get into a better relationship with yourself. Explore your own interests, create new friendships, challenge your fears  and do more.

Take responsibility for your projections.

You probably wont like this next bit, but the very thing you want them to change or do differently, is the one area that you probably most need to look at within yourself, something you ought to be working on.

It’s the smoking gun scenario, i.e. when we point the finger at someone else, we usually have three fingers pointing back at ourselves.

When you make a shift in your own thinking and behaviour, it changes the dynamic of the relationship and then perhaps the other person will change a bit, in order to accommodate the change in you.

Stop victimising, stop blaming and start taking responsibility. It’s time for you to grow.

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Protect, Preserve and Conserve Your Life Force Energy

Get cosy in winter

As this year comes to a close and we move into the darkest most quiet time of the year give yourself permission to sleep longer, nap more often and generally hibernate. In this way you will emerge into spring with more verve and energy.

Get cosy in winter

5 Top Tips for Surviving Winter

  1. Keep your lower back warm. Kidneys and adrenals appreciate the warmth. Wear an additional layer around your hips, perhaps a thick warm scarf. Use a warmed wheat bag on your lower back if you’re sitting for long periods of time.
  2. Keep hydrated with warm drinks – try the winter drink recipe if you think you’re going down with a cold.
  3. We’re closest to Mother Earth at this time and as such a time for reflection, write down what lessons you learned in 2023, what you don’t want to repeat and what you’d like more of.
  4. If you’re too sedentary get up and Shake The Tree. Stretch up onto tip toes and raise arms and hands above your head with interlinked fingers. Make the sound Aaaah as you bring your arms down by your sides. Rinse and repeat.
  5. Finally, develop a strong building block by improving the quality of your sleep. Turn all technology OFF and leave it out of the bedroom. If you ruminate a lot, then write your thoughts down before you go to bed. A warm bath/shower an hour before bedtime and when your body begins to feel chilly that’s your body’s way of telling you it’s bedtime.
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Tips for Wellbeing

Are you feeling Weepy? Tips For Your Wellbeing

Are you in need of a boost for your wellbeing? It might be reassuring for you to know that this is the season for feeling grief and sadness. According to Traditional Chinese Medicine, the season of Autumn relates to the organ of the lungs which emotionally hold grief. Although separate organs, the heart and lungs are interrelated by the cardiovascular and respiratory systems. This means that any ‘affair of the heart’ such as loss, upset or conflict can be the trigger for grief. The heart affects the lungs, and the lungs affect the heart.

So, what can we do to boost our wellbeing at this time? Move!

Here are three ways to improve our wellbeing. We need to move stagnant energy (Prana, Qi or Ki) out of our lungs.

  1. Try some shoulders shrugs individually and both together.  Shrugging acts as a pump to move stale energy and encourage better circulation try it now, where-ever you are, can you feel the lungs moving?
  2. Stand up and relax your whole body and shake your arms, bend your knees, and straighten your legs, repeatedly, shaking off any negative energy through your hands and fingers, like a tree losing its leaves in the autumn.
  3. Take your arms out to the sides float your palms up toward each other and back down again and repeat. This simple movement opens the sides of the lungs brings a bit of energy to your intercostal muscles (that sit between your ribs) and lift both heart and lungs. You’ll feel instantly brighter and more energised.

And Finally…

As Autumn is a season of ‘dryness’, you may have noticed your skin feeling dry and crepey (not creepy!) at this time. To remedy this, set some time aside for self-care. Get some sesame oil (it’s naturally the warmest oil) and heat it. I place mine into a plastic bottle and then put it into a stainless-steel cup of hot water. When it’s warmed, begin to gently massage your body, including the nostrils, ears fingers and toes, including your nails. Allow half an hour for it to soak in before having a bath or shower. NB if you oil your hair, which feels amazing, you will need to put neat shampoo on your hair before the water or it will be difficult to get the oil out. Not only will you feel nurtured and comforted, you  will also sleep well, so best done at night. Repeat once or twice a week.

Autumn is a good time to boost your immune system in preparation for winter so remember, that there are lots of resources and programmes available in the stresshacker shop to make life more manageable for you. 

Try out Healing Now Hypnosis Program if you’re starting to feel under the weather and take advantage of the Freebies!

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Get Organised And Save Time

Some friends and I were chatting recently and discovered something in common, namely a state chaos and a realisation of how much time is lost by attempting too many things at once.  I mean I’m talking, highly talented and skilled women here, so it was surprising to discover how many of us need to get organised in other ways.

We laughed about starting a hundred chores at the same time, okay slight exaggeration here, but…

Can you relate to this?

You start one task, for example clearing your desk, then you go to the kitchen to get a drink, open the fridge, notice the shelf needs a wipe over and end up cleaning out the fridge. Then you remember you’re half way through clearing up your desk, so go back to your desk. Then you notice an email that you should have responded to, start to reply and horror! Remember your were running a bath! Before long the whole place is in chaos! You need to get organised!

We agreed that having a number of tasks on the go feels really stressful. A messy environment equals a messy mind and definitely leads to feelings of agitation and stress. It triggers the inner critic too and before long, you’re berating and beating yourself up, which is very bad for your confidence and leads to poor self-esteem.

Does this or variations of it sound familiar?

But what if I told you there’s a cure for this, that in addition, you will have a nice little release of Serotonin, the drug that promotes internal happiness? Every time we get a reward, the brain releases a small amount of dopamine. Dopamine, a molecule that sends signals from our brain, gives us a temporary sense of pleasure.

When we increase rewards they build up and we eventually get a shot of Serotonin which gives us a deeper, longer lasting sense of pleasure and happiness.

It’s simply a matter of retraining your mind and re-conditioning your behaviours and that’s easier than it might sound.

The positive psychology of Neurolinguistic Programming helps us to get organised and encourages us to ‘Put Systems In Place’ again, this is not as complicated as it sounds.

For example; always putting your front door keys in the same place, will ensure that you wont spend 10 minutes searching for them with the “I’m sure I put them there” lament! It’s a system.

American Author Alan Lakein created the following to get us more organised,  read on now to discover how you can bring structure and simple systems to your tasks.

Cull the Chaos


1. Make a list with no more than seven tasks on it. Write A,B,C or D beside each task in order of priority i.e. the most important jobs will have an A next to them, then B and so on.

2. Start the first A job and complete it. Do NOT move onto any other chore until this first task is completely finished. Then you have the small pleasure of putting a BIG tick beside it and crossing it off of the list, and that’s your first reward and remember a reward equals a shot of feel good dopamine.

3. RINSE AND REPEAT! Do this and you’ll get organised.

 

When I discovered that multi-tasking is a myth,  that something has to suffer when you attempt to do two things at once, I worked even harder to stick to the above system. In a relatively short period of time I retrained my brain and my approach to tasks and have become addicted to feeling good!

Yoga Retreat

Oh, I almost forgot, if you’re in need of a reset and would like to experience a deeper state of peace and tranquility, there’s good news and bad news. The bad news is we are now fully booked for the March 2024 Yoga retreat but the good news is that we do have a couple of spaces available on our weekday Yoga Retreat 12 – 14 June 2023.

It’s held in the beautiful space of Florence House in Sussex, suitable for beginners and experienced yogis alike. Please feel free to contact me for more information or questions.

Yoga / Qigong Classes – Last Friday of every month – Bromley

Finally,  alongside the weekly online yoga and meditation classes, I’m now offering an in-person Yoga/Qigong class on the last Friday of every month, in Bromley at a great spanking new venue that has a fabulous cafe serving quality food and drinks, it is in the beautiful green space of Norman Park and has free parking. Beginners welcome. Please get in touch with me by phone or email if you would like to know more.

 

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5 Tips To Deal With Christmas Stress

A GIFT FOR YOU

People often ask me how to deal with Stress at Christmas time and there are ways to cope, so read on…

But first things first. If you have been or are going to be a client, Yoga student or customer at my little shop at The Stresshacker, then THANK YOU! I really value your support and to show my appreciation I attach a small gift that has HUGE worth. You can unwrap it at the bottom of the page.A GIFT FOR YOU

Do You Find It Hard To Be Honest?

One of the reasons people struggle with stress is because they have difficulty in telling the truth. I’m not suggesting you’re a liar but do you find it challenging to be up front about the way you feel?

Let me give you an example, Martin dreaded the thought of spending the Christmas break with his family. Whilst he enjoyed Christmas day with his Mum, Dad and Sister, the thought of the wider festivities on Boxing day, filled him with horror.

Why? Martin is an introvert and finds it extremely uncomfortable to engage in crowds, family or not! He avoids social gatherings at work and with groups of friends for the same reason.
After some coaching, Martin became sufficiently comfortable to own his truth, that he would rather stick pins in his eyes than attend the family party!

He decided to honour his truth and explained his level of discomfort to his family. In his eyes, being with them on Christmas Eve and Christmas day was desirable, reasonable and for him, a compromise but he would not go to the party. Being firm in his decision formed part of his coaching.

The outcome was interesting, his mother found it hard to understand, as an extrovert and somewhat of a people pleaser she attempted some emotional blackmail with Martin, but he was prepared for this and stood firm.

It was made easier by the fact that his father (also an introvert but hadn’t realised it!) praised Martin for being forthright and wished he’d been able to do the same!

His sister also empathised and thought he was right to speak out. His mother didn’t really ‘get him’ but wanted all to be well and was happy to make excuses for him with the extended family, which of course was more her issue than his.

By being honest with himself first, Martin was able to explore what needed to happen to find Christmas a less stressful and happy occasion and to live a more congruent life.

If you’re struggling to be more up front you’ll find Assertive Empowerment Now an easy way to sharpen your skills, it’s a training download that I created, you can get yours here
Meanwhile here are 5 Tips To Deal With Christmas Stress

1. Give yourself Space. Create a short Mediation practice that takes you out of the situation into another room. Even 5 minutes  now and then will give you time to relax and reset.

2. Use the 6 Healing Sounds. This amazing little technique can cool a hot temper and soothe stress in seconds. It’s an ancient tried and tested Qigong practice that I have recorded for you as a gift.

3. Use the 6 Healing Sou…no only joking but really, it’s that good and all you’ll need to calm your stress. It will also help you if you suffer from insomnia.

4. Exercise. Get up and move! It’s a bad habit to sit for long periods of time. Take a short walk 20 minutes is fine. Or swing your arms up over your head and clap your hands together 50 times. Then hold onto a surface and swing one leg back and forth 50 times, repeat on the other side. Don’t take my word for the incredible benefits from this. Do it and see for yourself.

5. When the kids or family are driving you mad, HUM! Yes, Hum. Breathe in through the nose and feel the gentle vibration on your lips as you hum. When we get irritated and stressed we tend to hold our breath. Humming encourages letting go and  balanced breathing.

Open your gift here 

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My Top 10 Autumn Tips

Whilst we’ve been fortunate enough to enjoy the warmer weather, don’t be fooled by it, as late summer yields fully into Autumn the way we take care of ourselves now,  will dictate whether we have a cosy winter or one fully of colds and allergies.

As the leaves become crispy, dry out and fall to the ground, so will we unless we take sensible, self-care steps. Have a browse through my self-help tips to nurture yourself through to Winter and let me know how you get on.

My Top 10 Autumn Tips

My Top 10 Autumn Tips:

  1. Whilst we cling to the last of the late summer sunshine, remember that the air can be cold and drying, consider adding foods to your diet that are the opposite of cold, drying and still. Think of foods that are warm, stimulating and pungent such as garlic, onions, chives, black pepper, ginger, cayenne pepper, horseradish and mustards.
  2. Start the day with warm teas, slice some fresh ginger bring to the boil and cool to drink.Finish the day with a cosy cup of warm milk with a pinch of black pepper, a 1/4 teaspoon of turmeric and a little honey. It will give you a great night’s sleep.
  3. Although it’s a great time for clearing out your clutter  e.g. look at the sell by dates in your kitchen cupboards and take your unwanted items to the local donation hub or charity shop, it’s a bad time to set yourself up with big goals or deadlines.

    Autumn is a time of death, a letting go of things that no longer serve us.

  4. Instead, take the pressure off and slip slowly into the winter months by considering the equal and opposite; for example Autumn is chilly, blustery, with wind whipping up the leaves in swirls,  do the opposite, take  time to be still, create small spaces of quiet time to read and relax. It’s a great time to reintroduce  the practice of meditation. Take time to bathe in nature, wrap up warm and sit in your local park or take a slow quiet meditative walk.
  5. Emotionally this is again a good time for letting go of resentments and grudges. Remember though, that forgiving those who have hurt you, doesn’t necessarily mean that you allow them  back into your life. It does mean however that you can practice letting go by writing a therapy letters, journalling and even saying out loud “ I forgive you so-and-so  for… blah  blah …”   It really works, but don’t take my word for it, try it yourself!
  6. As well as being a good time of year for clearing out, it’s also a great time for creating clear boundaries. Are there people who don’t respect your boundaries? Take some time to consider how you will establish the boundaries, think about what you might need to do or say in this respect, so that you’re clear on how to move forward.
  7. As natural as it is for the leaves fall from the branches at this time of year, it’s all a good time to let the tears fall, go on, give yourself permission to let it go. You’ll likely find when you create time and the right environment, emotions will surface, especially sadness. Allow them space as this is the perfect time to release and clear space.
  8. As a yoga teacher I encourage the clearing of energy blocks in the body. As we practice bending, stretching, twisting, using breath and visualisation to release tension,  it brings a sense of freedom and space.  In this way we don’t somatise our ‘stuff’ or push our emotions even deeper into the body’s systems and organs. So don’t be rigid, bend and stretch daily. It’s one of the reasons that students feel so good after a yoga class.
  9. Now is the time to use more oils and balms to massage into dry skin. Try warmed sesame oil  rubbed into your feet or Vick rubbed into the soles of the feet, pop a pair of socks on and sleep like a baby!
  10. I’m going to share a secret, the best oils and balms come from Urbanveda and they have given a generous discount especially for  thestresshacker readers! So grab your discount on their fabulous products here thestresshacker20 . Also when you place an order they plant a tree!

Try This Autumn Meditation

Sit in an upright chair, close your eyes and allow your awareness to move down to your chest   ……. allow yourself a little time to tune into the quiet rhythm of your breathing ……..  then allow the breath to drop a little deeper down into your abdomen …….  and simply enjoy the deep sense of calm and relaxation that diaphragmatic abdominal breathing brings.

Rest here a while as you observe the miracle of life force and energy moving in and out of your body without you having to do anything at all.

Just Be.

Enjoy!

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Six Simple Steps To Self-Care

These tips for self-care will help towards achieving positive health and wellbeing. You’ve heard the expression ‘Charity begins at home,’  so does self-care. Let’s be honest if you can’t look after yourself and take an interest in your wellbeing, why should anyone else?

Successful people use simple mind hacks to boost their self-confidence while they sleep and feed their minds with personal development programmes and podcasts by day.

With the NHS creaking under pressure and GP appointments hard to come by, preventative steps to ensure our positive mental health and wellbeing  are more important than ever.

Tips for Self-Care

One Eastern approach to wellbeing is called Ayurveda, roughly translated as The Science of Life. I’ve loosely studied Ayurveda since 1984 by reading and attending courses but I feel as if I’ve just scratched the surface! It’s  a vast subject and one of the main things is to understand your constitution, also known as your doshic make-up.

A quiz can help you do this and it’s one of my favourite tips for taking better care of yourself so read on…

  1. Know yourself. Take the Dosha quiz here: Dosha Quiz
  2. As we move out of late summer, rethink your diet,  you’ll need to eat differently as the Autumn winds and damp weather take hold.  See my delicious recipe below.
  3. Keep negative thoughts at bay, use this  vibration meditation. Close your eyes, inhale slowly and on the exhale make the sound Mmmmmm. Feel the vibration on your lips and imagine it resounding around the inside of your brain. Do this for 3 minutes minimum. For a greater sense of calm try 7 or 21 minutes. It’s excellent if you suffer from insomnia,  obsessive thoughts and anxiety.
  4. Are you one of those people who feel irritated easily? Start the day with fresh lemon and warm water it’s cleansing for the liver and surprisingly, can calm your disposition.  If your digestion is feeling sluggish peel and slice fresh ginger, boil it and cool before drinking first thing in the morning. It feels very warming to the gut.
  5. If you have trouble sleeping, massage your hands and feet with warm sesame oil and go to bed wearing socks and light cotton gloves. Write down anything that could keep you awake . Make a list of all the things you have to do tomorrow, then forget about them until the morning. When there are things you need to get off of your chest, journal until you’re bored!
  6. Aim to bathe in nature at least once a week and preferably more often . Go for a walk in a park, woodland or  visit the seaside, blue and green are soothing for the soul.

Would you like to try a regular weekly online meditation class? 

I run a session at 8.30pm – 9.30pm on Wednesday evenings email me at sue@thestresshacker.com and I’ll send you details. Read some of the testimonies to hear what other’s say about it.

Recipe for Kitchari

Make the recipe below for yourself and see how nurturing it is. Let me know how you get on I love to hear your feedback.

Ingredients:

  • 1/2 cup basmati rice 1 cup mung dal (split yellow) I also use red lentils as I find them much easier to digest and quicker to cook.
  • Approximately 6 cups of water
    Roughly 1 inch of fresh ginger, chopped or grated – it really is easier to peel with a teaspoon!
  • ¼ teaspoon of rock salt
  • 1 tablespoon of ghee
    1/2 tsp. coriander powder
    1/2 tsp. cumin powder
    1/2 tsp. whole cumin seeds
    1/2 tsp. mustard seeds
    1/2 tsp. turmeric powder
    1 pinch asafoetida (hing)
  • It’s a bit of a faff measuring this out every time you make it,  I make it up in bulk and keep it in a jar and I tend to pulp it into a powder in a pestle and mortar (except the ginger and fresh coriander.)
  • A handful of freshly chopped coriander
  • A handful of  assorted vegetables ( these are optional)
  • Preparation – takes no time.

Cooking Instructions:

  1. Thoroughly wash your lentils in a sieve, make sure the water runs clear through them and leave to one side.
  2. Place a heavy bottomed saucepan on a high heat, when it’s hot, turn it down add the ghee, let it melt and throw your spices in (but NOT the fresh coriander) stir them into the ghee until the seeds pop (If you haven’t pulped them) Do NOT let it burn.
  3. Next add the washed lentils and coat them in the spicy ghee mixture, then cover until they become soft. (Check from time to time that it’s not burning and add a little more water if necessary.If you want more of a soup, add more water and don’t add rice. If you want a more substantial meal, add less water and add your vegetables for about 10 mins or less if you like them al dente.

    Note:
      If you’re adding some vegetables, wash and chop them into small chunks, you could use broccoli, courgettes, carrots, sweet potato, or some spinach or cabbage.
  4. Finally throw in a packet of 2 minute basmati rice (or a cupful that you might have already cooked) and stir in for 4 or 5 minutes.

In my opinion good cooking comes from tasting as you go along, after all you’ll be eating it so you’re the judge of it! If you’re feeling low or unwell, this is considered a ‘healing meal’ and is the perfect remedy for any body type or age group.  Enjoy!

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TEN TIPS FOR STAYING COOL

There are some interesting ways to keep cool during the summer heat and these are my suggestions

1. Use cooling herbs in your food such as coriander/cilantro and mint chopped into salads, soups, wraps and sandwiches. If you lack appetite, soups can be nourishing and served cold, think Gazpacho.

2. Foods such as coconut, cucumber and melon are cooling to the digestive system as well as refreshing to eat and drink.

3. Add coriander or/and mint sprigs to a jug of water overnight and cool in the fridge, sip throughout the day.

4. Type A people or (predominantly pitta dosha in Ayurveda) may need to cool down on the inside when you feel yourself becoming irritated and agitated. Cut down your To Do list down by half and remove the pressure, give yourself a break now and then!

5. Same as for No. 4 types, when you feel yourself becoming flustered and overheated try the ‘Cooling Breath’ Sitali or Sheetkari. ONLY do this in an unpolluted environment such as your bedroom with a window open (NOT for example near a busy road!) Sit upright. Stick your tongue out and roll it like a straw, then gently and slowly draw the breath inwards… then slowly and softly exhale through the nose. Repeat for 10 breaths. If you can’t protrude your tongue – don’t worry it’s hereditary – do this instead, bring your front teeth together and gently draw the breath in through the teeth it sounds a bit like ‘siiitth’ and exhale through the nose. Repeat for 10 breaths. It will cool your digestive and respiratory systems. NB you might belch or/and pass wind 10 minutes after, so make sure you’re among friends!

6. Keep a good quality bottle of Aloe Vera in the fridge and drink a shot glass every morning to cool down your digestive system.

7. Rub an ice cube on your pulse points when feeling overheated.

8. Keep a flannel in the freezer and place it over your forehead before going off to sleep.

9. It has to be said KEEP WELL HYDRATED! Drink plenty of water. Far better to sip throughout the day than to guzzle in sudden large quantities.

10. Keep your environment cool and clutter free, pull down the blinds and keep the curtains closed and windows open for a through breeze if possible.

I hope these tips help you to stay cool let me know how you get on.

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Anxious About The Ukraine?

Is Your Anxiety Creeping Up?

I’ve had quite a few messages from people who are struggling with anxiety about the attack on the Ukraine and I doubt anyone could fail to be affected by it.

But here’s the thing, if like me you are highly sensitive it’s a bad idea to listen, read or watch too much of the reporting. It is a trigger for anxiety,  it really can have a negative and detrimental effect on your health and wellbeing.

Isn’t that just being ignorant?

I’m not being an Ostrich or selfish when I say that I limit how much of it I allow into my world. I have made myself  ill in the past with anxiety by worrying and feeling anxious about things I have no control over.

These are some of the things I advocate that will give you a sense of control (instead of panic)

Take Gandhi’s advice and “Be The Change You Want To See Happen In The World”  (Apparently he didn’t phrase it quite like that  but you get the gist) Practise being peaceful, in this way you lessen inner conflict?

  1. If you believe in prayer, pray.
  2. Quieten your mind and body with a simple meditation of bringing your attention to your breathing hundreds of times throughout the day. Given you’re a microcosm of the macrocosm Be Peace.
  3. If you actually want to do something, dig deep and donate even the smallest donation will be of help to the Ukrainians in their time of need.
  4. Remember the ‘golden hours’ that set you up for how you’re going to feel during the day, are the first hour in the morning and the last hour at night.  This is NOT the time for catching up on the news, lunchtime or sometime through the day is better.
  5. I went online to Etsy Ukraine.com  and purchased some digital products in an effort to support.
  6. Campaign when and where you feel able to.

If you need additional help to stay calm, relaxed and free from anxiety try  Stress Free With Confidence the hypnosis MP3 that will ease your stress.

Finally if you’re still feeling stressed consider doing some research on the wonderful Ayurvedic herb Ashwaganda. The benefits include helping to reduce inflammation, combat stress and anxiety, improve memory and  help balance blood sugar as well as boosting muscle strength. Personally I found it really helped improve the quality of my sleep.

Thats all for now and thank you if you’ve taken the time to read to the end.

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What? Having Trouble Sleeping?

Woman Struggling To Sleep

Mistakes That Stop You From Going To Sleep

Are you having trouble getting to sleep? You're not alone according to research a whopping 36% of UK adults struggle to get to sleep at least on a weekly basis. Almost 1 in 5 have trouble falling asleep every single night. Nearly half of the UK have trouble falling asleep at least once a month.

Woman Struggling To Sleep
Restless Sleep

Make a note of my  best sleep tips:

1. STOP STIMULATING YOURSELF!

One hour before bed STOP drinking, especially alcohol and anything with caffeine in.

STOP scrolling, watching TV, working on devices, and listening to the radio or podcasts. Even reading is a No No if you want to get to sleep and stay asleep.

2. START BEING SMART

This is what to do with that hour. Once or twice a week oil up! Especially if your skin is dry. Massage, using warm sesame oil. Cover your entire body gently massage your face, your ears, up your nose and in between your toes!  Allow the oil to soak in for 20 minutes, then have a warm bath or shower you will sleep so well.

Prepare: Get things ready for the next day during this hour. If there are things you feel you have to do, make a note of them before you go to sleep and decide to do them first thing in the morning.

Head trash? If you’re plagued with thoughts this is the best time for you to journal. Scribble it all down to empty out your mind.

Still awake? If you’re still obsessed with thoughts, sit upright, close your eyes and gently hum… feel the vibration on your lips as you exhale the hum - do this for 10 minutes it will help your mind to quieten and sleep to come.

Still can't sleep?  Why not? Write down the following sentence and then the next 50 things that come to mind. " I can't sleep because..." Let's face it, you're the expert on you and somewhere you know what the problem is - unearth it and deal with it!

3. AND DO THIS...

Are your feet cold at night? Massage warm sesame oil into your feet and put socks on - you'll sleep like a baby!

To show baby sleeping
Sleep Like A Baby

Meditate for 15 minutes. Sit upright ideally on a hardback chair. Close your eyes. Bring your awareness gently to your nostrils and follow each in breath, pause, exhalation  and the following pause... rinse and repeat.

Don't go to bed hungry or full, both get in the way of a good night's sleep. Exercise a little discipline and aim to stop eating and drinking after 7.00pm. Plan to eat aa more substantial lunch.

If you’ve missed out on sleep - Don’t nap, go to bed a bit earlier instead.

Set your alarm for no later than 7am. Don't play the alarm game... you're an adult! Get up and get on.

This is by far the best tip, go for a brisk 30 minute walk within two hours of waking up.

Download my Sleep Well Now programme and bundle for minimum effort.

The problem of poor sleep won't improve unless you do something different. These tips will help you to reset your sleep pattern and cultivate healthier night-time routines.