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DO HARRY AND MEGAN DO THIS?

In my last blog I wrote about the mistakes we make in relationships and how you’re on a hiding to nothing if you’re trying to change the other person.

Let’s have a look at Mistake No. 2. 

I’m sure that even the best among us are guilty of this next one, which is to think that we know them, better than they do. We are right! Only we have the answers, if only they would listen. Sound familiar?

A major cause of arguments between couples is the desire to be right. When you foist your views on others with the absolute conviction that your way is the right way, your ego has taken over. The ego part of the mind must be right at all costs, because ultimately it fears death.

The reality though, is that the more dominant the ego, the more likely the person you’re projecting onto will need to shut down to protect themselves,  or it will trigger their defence mechanisms and you’ll soon find yourselves arguing.

The next time you’re ‘helping’ someone and trying to get them on board to do it your way, it might be interesting for you to take a breath and notice what you’re feeling, is it frustration? Impatience?

Do you view the other person as the enemy? Perhaps you could ask yourself why it’s so important for you to be right?

In doing this we may be able to identify when our ego is at work and consider how can we change the way we communicate in relationships to get a better outcome.

Is there another place that you can step back into? Not literally, but within yourself?

Communicate with Compassion.

With practice you can learn to change your state,  perhaps come out of your head and drop into the heart space. Remind yourself that you’re in the presence of someone you love. When you come from a heartfelt perspective, it’s easier to reframe what’s going on between you in a more caring manner.

What is your common ground?

Is it the children? Or perhaps your desire to stay together? To not have to go through all that again, but mature in your relationship?  Or simply to improve your home?  Many fights happen around DIY.  From this perspective, you might have less of a need to be right, and more desire to approach your issues with a sense of compassion.

A Good Questions to Ask Yourself When Attempting This Reframe

“What would have to happen for me to see you as my friend, an ally?” What would you have to do to view them through the lens of love? Famous self-help author Louise Hay was an advocate of seeing your partner as a small vulnerable child and show them kindness. Be gentle in your approach and you might find the other person is more responsive to what you’re trying to share.

Relationship counselling can teach us how to better communicate with others and learn to listen properly.

Finally, with everything you know about the other person, can you trust them? Is it possible for you to let go and trust that they might have a perspective? Trust that they might also know what’s right for them?

 

 

 

 

 

 

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