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Judging Ourselves and Others: How To Break The Habit

Pointing Finger of Judgement

Are You Sick Of Judging?

Judging ourselves and others can become a habit.

When Louisa was younger she used to love people watching with her sister when they were in the car. They would take it in turns to pick out a stranger who they would judge and criticise for something, each trying to out-do the other with insults.

When she was older Louisa felt more and more uncomfortable indulging in what had once felt like harmless fun.

She’d reasoned as a teenager that it didn’t hurt anyone because the strangers couldn’t hear them and it eased their boredom.

Years later however Louisa recognised that the discomfort she felt stemmed, not only from being mean to innocent strangers, but also because of what it told her about herself and her attitudes.

What our judgements say about us

If you can be unkind about a stranger, how mean are you to yourself? Do you spend a lot of  time criticising the way your friends and colleagues behave? Then you’re probably  harsh and critical about yourself.

Judging others means you’re judging yourself. When we point the finger of blame or judgment at another, you’ll notice three fingers pointing back at yourself. We levy a much heavier burden of judgment on ourselves when we judge others.

In life we tend to attract mirrors of ourselves, in our partners, friends and colleagues.

Look at the things in others that you like or dislike, love or hate, you’ll discover that they are aspects about yourself that you are not owning.

Consider the one thing that you find most abhorrent, something you believe you would NEVER do – be very careful, because you almost certainly house some aspect of that deep within your psyche!

So the next time your inner Judge starts pointing, be kinder to yourself and curl those fingers into a yoga mudra (gesture). Bring your thumb and index finger together and slowly repeat the words ‘I am peace, you are peace, there is peace’

Judging takes up a lot of psychic energy and takes us away from the here and now. Next time you catch yourself judging, distract your mind by singing the lyrics to a favourite tune.

Constant judgements mean that we are not accepting what is, which creates conflict and  creates mental turmoil.

Sack the Judge and treat yourself a to a mental holiday. Discover more peace and positivity when you retrain your brain with my positive thinking book and audio.

Enjoy!

 

 

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JUST A MOMENT…

JUST A MOMENT

Isn’t that what life is? Just a moment or should I say a series of moments. It’s true. If you really think about it, five minutes time, tomorrow or next week hasn’t happened yet and two minutes ago, yesterday or ten years ago is the past. So the only bit that’s real is now! Enjoy it!

Looking back and realizing what a great evening that was or anticipating the enjoyment of a forthcoming holiday is something we all do. Whilst it’s pleasant to reflect on the past and future, we may be in danger of actually missing out on the moment, the here and now, the present.

If you’re one of my yoga students you’ll know that I’m always directing your awareness to the presence of the ego mind. This is the part of the mind that is in charge of filtering. It sifts and sorts, categorizes and labels and is an essential part of our thinking. Without it we would all be bonkers!

Although an essential part of the mind, the ego can take over, acting as if it’s the only ‘mind’. It can gather steam with its labeling, comparing, judgments and criticism and before long it’s the only part of our inner dialogue that we hear.

If your ego mind is very busy and loud it will drown out deeper intuitive thoughts from your Self. These thoughts could be considered as natural perceptive ‘gut instincts. They have just as much, if not more value. They wish to serve you in the pursuit of being the ‘best’ you. They may for example alert you to a health issue that you are not paying attention to, this pushes you to take the necessary action that could be preventative.

Think of it like tuning a radio. If you only ever listen to Radio 1, how do you know that radio 4 exists, with all its amazing programs and information?

How do we access this deeper intuition you might ask? By being present is the answer.

Being here now equals less stress. If we want to enjoy life more and feel less pressured we need to make a conscious effort to be in the moment. Being present requires being ‘psychologically awake’ and more conscious.

Here’s How.

Take a moment to notice what you can see right now around you. Now notice every single sound near and far. Next observe what you can feel… hungry, happy, and irritable, the fabric of your clothing, the air in your nostrils, the wind on your face and so on.

Practice this as often as possible so that you become the observer… the watcher… the listener… then you may wonder ‘who am I’?

Enjoy the Easter break I wish you lots of light, love and peaceful presence.

 

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1 Surprisingly Simple Mind Hack

Subconscious mind

According to quantum physics the brain processes 400 billion bits of information per second. Apparently we are only consciously aware of 2,000 of these, which are processed and filtered at a conscious level.

When someone recently said to me “I don’t know how you can sit and  listen to people’s problems day in and day out” I was ferocious in defence that my work isn’t like that at all! To the contrary, I explained it’s positively joyous!  I help people to establish what they want to change, get rid of, or improve in their lives I then facilitate that change. As a result it is the most privileged,  rewarding work, that I liken to watching a flower grow.

So when a friend asked me to help her I jumped at the opportunity. She was bored with her job as a civil servant. To counter the boredom over the years, she had retrained in a number of different skills and was extremely well qualified to make a shift and change her career. There was one problem, she was scared! She lacked the confidence and belief in herself  to take the leap of faith required.

We did a small piece of work and the next thing my friend had handed in her notice and moved on.  A year down the line she feels fulfilled in her new career, has met lots of people and made many new friendships. I didn’t really do anything. She did it all, by allowing her subconscious mind to create a perfect solution, in a way that only she could know and understand, a solution that resonated elegantly with every part of her on every level. Continue reading 1 Surprisingly Simple Mind Hack

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How X Rated Are Your Thoughts?

You know that saying “You are what you eat”  it’s the same for your mind, you get out of it what you put into it.

Along with every other thought that you process daily, your early programming also filters to the surface of the mind from time to time and some might say there’s not a lot that can be done about that.  Not me though, I know it’s possible to swamp early negative messages with positive programming. That’s what hypnotherapy has practiced for years and science now calls neuroplasticity!

Don't watch things you wouldn't want a child to see.
Don’t watch things you wouldn’t want a child to see.

If you doubt that the mind is adversely affected by what you watch, ask yourself if you would allow a child to watch it if the answer is no, why do that to yourself?

Same goes for your reading material. If you would like a quieter mind and a deeper sense of peace in your life, be discerning about what you put into your mind. Your senses are there as filters. The more rubbish you watch the more desensitised you become to it!

Continue reading How X Rated Are Your Thoughts?

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SHUT THE F*@/ UP!

Years ago I did some additional NLP training with Dr Richard Bandler one of the two originators of Neuron-Linguistic-Programming or as I like to think of it Positive Psychology.

Among other things NLP looks at ‘Modelling on Excellence’ so when we find something that we want to do well, or to have, the aim is to “model on’ or copy the behaviour or steps that allowed others to achieve that outcome, with the expectation that we will achieve similar results.

So what’s this got to do with my headline?

Finding out what naturally happy people do to feel happy helps others to model on that behaviour

smiling-kids-facesPeople who are happier in life tend to be self-nurturing, kind and loving to themselves. They have learned to live with and accept their limitations, which doesn’t mean they don’t strive for things or have goals, more that they have reached a place of self-acceptance.

Happier people have also learned how to quieten the negative chatter in their minds.

How often are you aware of that nagging voice in the background of your awareness? That demanding, negative part that criticises what you’re doing or how you’re doing it?

People give this part many names from the devil, the ego, to the parent part. However you choose to label your ‘gremlin’ is your business. But do you know how to stop it from droning on and eroding your efforts to feel okay about yourself?file000727125552

There are loads of clever therapeutic interventions for quietening this unhelpful inner voice, but for a quick fix, try Bandler’s advice who told us in training “Tell it to Shut the F**! Up! I did! It did! It does work!

Don’t take my word for it, try it yourself.

I’ll be honest and say I prefer the words ‘That’s enough! Be Quiet Now” Which I find works just as well. Choose your own wording, but next time you’re having a bad day and your parent part or inner critic is giving you a rough ride, you might want to try this until you close it down.

As you become aware of the negative chatter, mentally and silently shout Shut The F**! Up several times. Follow this up with several days of ‘reprogramming’ by listening to something like Super Charge Your Confidence, my hypnosis program that helps build self-esteem and notice just how quickly your adult part bounces back into control.

Enjoy and let me know how you get on.

 

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It’s Time to Sack Your Inner Judge – Here’s How

Stop judging yourself
Ah yes, our inner Judge. Where does it come from? More importantly how can we stop the incessant judgments?

From the moment we wake up until we go to sleep the ‘Judge’ or ‘Inner Critic’ is often present, judging others and judging ourselves. How we look, what we do, what we did, how we act. Yes, the  Inner Judge presides and criticises all of it.

Well firstly, well done if you are able to even identify your ‘Inner Judge’ or ‘Inner Critic’,  since most people don’t  manage to separate themselves out from their Judge (and that isn’t a judgment!)

Secondly, you’ll need to be tenacious in order to keep observing the Judge from a different perspective or place.

Thirdly, you’ll need to have another place to go in order to watch or listen to the Judge at work.

[Related: Why Am I So Judgmental? Your judgments may hide a deeper meaning.]

Continue reading It’s Time to Sack Your Inner Judge – Here’s How

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Try This Seven Times a Day For A Happier Mind

World peace

Inner peace may hold some of the solutions to a better world.

When we see disturbing images in the media of the suffering of innocents in war zones.  What can we do? We can choose not to view such things, to put our attention elsewhere, but is that denial?

Watching the news can be a truly unhappy experience. Often when we see something dreadful we can’t bear it, so we choose not to look.

But if we do look, the images and stories can stir up deep emotional unrest. Feelings such as anger, fear and  helplessness can surface. These feelings can often stay with us for days, affecting our mood, thoughts and even our behaviours. (I once worked with someone who was so distressed by images of people suffering that her alcohol intake increased significantly after viewing such scenes.)

So what is the answer?

Sadly, I don’t have the solution to world peace! But there are things we can all do to help bring about a more peaceful world.

Metaphysics and other spiritual disciplines tell us that what ever we seek outside of ourselves, will elude us until it can be found on the inside.  If we are a microcosm of the macrocosm – if we are a part of the whole – perhaps we can affect a change by finding peace within ourselves first.

Try this tiny change to your day that will have a big impact on how you feel…

Are you ready to find inner peace ?

Good then remember all those useful sayings:

Practice makes perfect.  

Repetition is the master of all skill.  

A little and often. 

 

With this is mind, aim to find  two or three spaces a day for the following exercise:

  1. Sit upright, allow your gaze to soften so that rather than staring you are allowing the light around you to soak into your eyes.
  2. Bring your awareness to your nostrils and use your nose to breathe throughout.
  3. Begin to follow an inhalation – name it 1, hold the breath and call it 2, exhale and call it 3, pause and call it 4. That is one breath.
  4. Do this SEVEN times.

Aim to be uninterrupted by random thoughts. Your focus is on the breath, so temporarily forget what’s going on around you.

Enjoy the feeling of the breath in your body, the stillness that is temporarily created, even though there may be noise and activity outside and around you (on a train for instance).

Once you have perfected the technique aim to increase the quiet spaces to at least SEVEN times a day.

Peace be with you and around you! Enjoy.  

x Sue.

PS. I’d love to know how you got on with this! Drop me an email at Sue@thestresshacker.com and tell me 1. if you tried the meditation technique, 2. How many times a day you do it, and 3. how you’re feeling after trying it for a few days. Or just leave me a comment!