You know, those times when you catch yourself scowling, feeling grumpy and critical, or feeling small and insignificant? That’ll be the parent part or the child part taking over. If we have no where else to go we can stay feeling like that all day!
In the last couple of weeks I’ve talked about ways to stay adult and move more quickly out of those states that leave us feeling miserable and disempowered namely, the child and parent parts.
I’ve come up with some quick ways that help to snap yourself out of those moods and regain your sense of control, they work for me I hope they help you.
The Adult will:
1. Remind yourself of your age.
This is really grounding, especially if you’re feeling lost and little (child)
- Tell yourself what you do for a living.
This can have the effect of shaking you out of your parent or child part and into the adult.
- Write down a list of your achievements & read them regularly. Preferably out loud!
This is a lovely grounding action, which validates the adult that you are. It gives recognition and acknowledgement of your talents and skills, a valuable endorsement often missing from your parent and child parts. If your parents didn’t ever praise your efforts, your inner child will have no way of feeling good about your successes. It’s the Adult who celebrates your accomplishments.
- Remember your adult doesn’t say “I should” but instead says “I could“.
Should is a commanding, demanding word that definitely belongs to the parent part of you. You could is more flexible than you should!
- Makes choices and sets goals.
If the parent and child parts are set in stone, the only part that can set goals successfully is the adult.
- Has positive healthy internal dialogue.
The parent part dialogue is likely to be critical, judgemental, demanding etc whilst the child part could be sulky, rebellious, hurt and whingey.
- Uses encouraging tones, is kind and offers reason and choice.
The adult recognises that it’s unrealistic to be perfect and offers encouragement, negotiation and reason instead to achieve outcomes.
- Changes your state by breathing deeply.
If you struggle to breathe from your belly as in diaphragmatic abdominal breathing, you might spend a lot of time feeling anxious and tense. If you haven’t been able to master this simple but powerful breath, download the Breathe Easy program. Once mastered, you will definitely feel calmer and more in control.
- When you’re in adult mode you can identify the child & parent parts as different aspects of you not who you are.
Write 10 things you think, say or do when you feel as if you’ve morphed into your child or parent part. Discern the difference between the three parts. Get to know yourself!
Want to share what your inner child or parent part does to sabotage you? Please leave your comments, I’d love to know.
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