My colleague and friend Dene Witten-baker is an expert addictions counsellor, who spends much of her time making people aware of their boundaries. One of her favourite expressions is “What’s mine and what’s somebody else’s” In other words are you minding your business or busying yourself with someone else’s?
Where do I stop and you begin, might be a question worthy of pondering.
How many times during a day do you get busy with something that is really none of your business?
Getting busy with others can be a way of avoiding looking at our own ‘stuff’. It saves us having to examine our own conflicts with self and others, it’s also a way of ‘projecting’ our less than perfect aspects out onto others.
In preparation for a talk I’m giving in the Autumn at Breeze yoga I’ve been revisiting the wisdom of my favourite ancient sage, Patanjali, who laid down a series of guidelines for one to live one’s life by. A set of precepts, that, if we could adhere to, would mean we would be living in a pretty cool society because we would be respectful and honest in our communications with others at all times.
One of Patanjali’s top tips is Satya, which roughly translated means, truth. Where possible, if we can stick to what we know to be the truth, we might feel more peace in our hearts and minds. So this rules out rumours, lies, deceit and exaggerations, because they HURT others.
I think if you asked most people, honestly, if they wanted to hurt anyone else the answer would be a resounding ‘NO’!
The modern psychology of NLP talks about ‘presuppositions’ those notions and ideas that we have about people and situations, that are often based on nothing more than our own wild imaginings and inaccurate assumptions! We might do well to spend more time thinking about our own perceptions and versions of the truth, than getting busy with that of others.
Minding our own business then, might become a matter of considering, when we say something , how sure we can be, that it really is true. Thinking before we speak or engage in idle gossip might also mean that we spend a lot more time in silent contemplation and this is likely to bring a more peaceful existence.
Thank you for taking the time to read I’m going off to attempt to mind my own business!
Totally agree! In your book I’m definitely The Judge character and since realising that, I’ve tried to live and let live a bit more. It’s difficult, but it definitely makes you happier in yourself to just mind your own business!
Marie Kondo (who you wrote about the other week) says the same thing about tidying your things – stop trying to tidy up your partner’s things when there’s probably plenty of your own clutter you could be clearing!