Our good sense of self depends mostly on how much we love and accept ourselves. If we feel bad because we have some secret lurking in the back of our minds about something that happened to us or something we did last week, last year or twenty years ago. It will continue to churn out bad feelings too.
Find at least one person to tell your secret to.
Finding one person who you have some measure of trust in, to share with, could make the world of difference to you.
If there really is no one, go to see a counsellor or therapist. If you can’t afford a therapist, go to your Doctor and explain that there is something that you believe is having a detrimental effect of your overall wellbeing and health and ask to be referred to a psychiatric nurse, or counsellor attached to the practice. Maybe there is a spiritual or religious elder you feel you could trust.
It sounds corny doesn’t it … ‘A Problem Shared Is A Problem Halved’ but this adage really is true for many.
You have to tell someone. I can’t stress how much better most people feel when they ‘disclose’ something that they have felt shameful or guilty about. In therapy this disclosure is often seen as a major breakthrough and the start of positive healing and a healthier mind-set.
I’ve said in previous blogs, that when we bring something out of the shadow side of the personality, the dark side, we are bringing it into the light and as a consequence, we become more enlightened. We simply start to understand ourselves better and this is the beginning of a journey of self-acceptance and self-love and we can literally lighten up a bit more.
Look, if you don’t out for you who do you think should? If you don’t look after you, why should anyone else? We teach others how to treat us. As we begin to take care of ourselves others follow our lead.
Just Can’t Face Telling Anyone Yet?
If this is where you are you may find the following exercise helpful to do.
Choose a time when you don’t have to rush off anywhere such as to work. Make sure you wont be disturbed and sit with a note book and write as if you are writing to an older wiser you and tell them everything.
You may need to stop periodically, you may cry and feel overwhelmed by emotions at times but know that this will pass. It’s part of the process of clearing some of the stagnation in your heart and chest that is created by holding on to such ‘heavy’ memories.
Say it all. Leave nothing out. When you’ve written exhaustively i.e. there’s nothing more to add, it’s all been said. Do something nurturing for you. Make a cup of tea, take a warm bath, perhaps go for a walk. Or just sit quietly.
An hour later take your letter to the sink where you will burn it (have water ready to douse any unruly flames) You may wish to do this ceremoniously with the following affirmation:
As I burn this letter, I let go of any negative thoughts and emotions attached to these memories. I let go of that past and from this moment on, I become stronger, healthier, wiser and more confident. I now heal from all of those things. I like, love and respect myself even more for getting through them.
Continue to be respectful of what you’ve just done by nurturing yourself in caring loving ways. Put yourself and your needs first by asking yourself “What do I want. What do I need” and aim to provide that for yourself.
You may revisit the content of your letter at a later date, by disclosure to a therapist or counsellor or confiding in a friend. You may decide there’s more work to be done around these memories, in order to feel even better about yourself. This is just a step in the right direction.
I must stress here how important it is to destroy the letter once you’ve written it. Fire has been used throughout the ages in ceremonies, as a symbol of renewal. By burning we are clearing the space for something fresh and new.
If you don’t want to burn your letter that’s okay, but it’s imperative that it is destroyed. It doesn’t matter if you’ve written volumes, get rid of it. You can always write again. Burn it, bin it, tear it up and bury it but get rid of it! This exercise dictates that the letter must be destroyed.
If this is a starting point for you maybe it’s time to delve into some self-help books, try You Can Heal Your Life and I Just Want To Be Happy for starters.
As always I’m interested in your feedback.