Whether consciously or subconsciously, we often recreate scenarios around us that are familiar. We do this in an effort to feel safe and comfortable.
A while back a client came to see me. The client – let’s call him “Pete” – couldn’t understand why he kept ending up in relationships that always ended the same way.
He’d be happy at first, but then his inner chatter would start to grow and he’d begin building stories based on his negative thoughts. Those thoughts then stimulated unpleasant negative emotions.
Before long he would behave in a way that provokes the very thing he was afraid of: rejection. Once he met someone new, the whole cycle would start again.
Do you find yourself repeating the same things over and over?
Continue reading Do you compulsively repeat patterns over and over? Here’s how to change
One of the most liberating moments in my life was when I stopped hiding from myself.
A few weeks back I talked about emotional immaturity in adults. I discussed how emotionally immaturity can be a sign that while someone has grown up physically, emotionally they may still have a long way to go. But how do you grow up emotionally?
I discussed some techniques that can help with feeling more earthed (and I’ve previously talked about ways to make yourself feel more grounded and less detached and day-dreamy as well as the problems that come from letting your inner child rule your life). I also mentioned how it’s important to figure out where in your body this feeling sits.
But there’s more you can do to feel more like a fully grown adult.
Continue reading Why owning all the stupid things I’ve done has made me happier
Do you have good self-esteem? And what does good self-esteem really *mean* anyway?
I suppose the best way to describe someone with good self-esteem is that they are comfortable with themselves. Are you comfortable in your own skin? What would it take for you to feel comfortable inside and out?
Self-esteem can grow when we begin to have a better relationship with ourselves, when we start loving ourselves for who we really are, despite having made mistakes in life.
Do you avoid doing jobs because the thought of it stresses you out? Do you eat too many bars of chocolate when you promised to eat healthily? Are you late for things simply because you didn’t leave on time? Chances are you’re letting your inner child take control of your life…
I know, I know, you start out with really good intentions at the begining of the week. You’re going to eat sensible, healthy foods. And yet by Tuesday you’re on your second take-away.
It sounds like your inner child has taken over and is running the show!
What Happens When You Let Your Inner Child Rule
That inner whining often goes something like this: “it’s not fair, I’m tired, I don’t want to work, I can’t be bothered to go shopping, I need a treat now, I deserve it!” And giving in to it means that you – the adult – are no longer in charge. Let’s face it if you were, you might be able to have a more grown-up conversation with yourself!
Your inner adult might say something like: “I know you feel like you deserve a treat, but if you do eat those crisps or drink that extra glass of wine, your workout at the gym will feel even harder and ultimately the dress you want to look stunning in next weekend will feel tight and uncomfortable. You’re just hungry let’s get something yummy and healthy to eat right now and if you still want crisps after you can have them!”
Continue reading Stop Letting Your Child Rule Your Life