Category: Self-Esteem

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What would you say to your younger self if you had the chance?

walk-1March 8th is International Women’s Day and YouTubers and Twitter users are part of the #DearMe campaign that aims to ‘empower young women everywhere’. Women all over the world are writing and recording messages of advice and wisdom to their younger selves, to drive the message home.

Many psychotherapists offer similar techniques when aiming to empower clients. Having people close their eyes and imagine connecting with a younger part of themselves, then offering support, love or protection to that younger part can be an incredibly empowering and healing intervention.

This is because the subconscious mind cannot tell the difference between something real or imagined.

It lacks the power of discernment and will readily accept a new and improved version of an event (it’s a bit more complex than that, but that’s it in a nutshell). The subconscious mind is not time bound so doesn’t really recognise past or future, it just IS. As such, rescuing a hurt inner child and comforting it really does make that part of you feel better.

A lack of self-esteem partly arises from us rejecting ourselves at different points in our lives

If we have ever felt isolated, guilty,  lonely, bullied,  blamed or shamed we  may reject that part of ourselves in an attempt to feel better. By banishing that aspect we aim to feel worthy and more loveable. That may work as a temporary measure but we are likely to feel empty and unloveable as adults unless we heal and empower these parts.

So here’s my challenge to you this week

(Oh and it isn’t just for women since I know I have some male readers too). Sit down with a pen and paper (you know my rule about being creative away from the computer) and write a letter from you now, to your younger self. Offer words of support, love and compassion.

If you really could step back in time and re-write the script and tell yourself not to worry, to recognise your skills and talents what would that letter look and sound like? Give it your best shot, imagine that you really are sitting there with the younger you, who most needs help and encouragement, try asking what that part of you really needs to feel positive and confident then take a few moments to listen, really listen to the inner response from that part. You might be surprised what comes up.

Here’s a clip from my letter to a younger part…” continue to care about others, Sue, that’s a really nice aspect of you, and make sure that you care about yourself just as much too. It’s okay to put yourself first sometimes.”

Let me know how you get on. If you need extra help try Stress Free With Confidence or Super Charge Your Self Esteem from the shop.

Suex 

 

 

 

 

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It’s Time to Sack Your Inner Judge – Here’s How

Stop judging yourself
Ah yes, our inner Judge. Where does it come from? More importantly how can we stop the incessant judgments?

From the moment we wake up until we go to sleep the ‘Judge’ or ‘Inner Critic’ is often present, judging others and judging ourselves. How we look, what we do, what we did, how we act. Yes, the  Inner Judge presides and criticises all of it.

Well firstly, well done if you are able to even identify your ‘Inner Judge’ or ‘Inner Critic’,  since most people don’t  manage to separate themselves out from their Judge (and that isn’t a judgment!)

Secondly, you’ll need to be tenacious in order to keep observing the Judge from a different perspective or place.

Thirdly, you’ll need to have another place to go in order to watch or listen to the Judge at work.

[Related: Why Am I So Judgmental? Your judgments may hide a deeper meaning.]

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Would you sit a child in front of it? Why you need to stop watching the news

The News StresshackerI often ask clients who feel stuck, anxious or depressed to refrain from reading the newspapers and watching the news on a daily basis.

Why would I encourage people to stay away from the news? Well, here’s the reason.

If, in your memory, you already have a collection of negative, miserable or traumatic memories and thoughts stored up, you will increase the negativity by adding a regular diet of troubling news.

And, let’s face it, most of the news is negative.

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A simple thought hack: create an analeptic circle to remove negative thoughts

Analeptic cycle
Do you know what an analeptic cycle is? I bet you know what a vicious cycle is!

Do you ever doubt yourself? Wonder if you’re quite good enough as a mother, daughter, son, friend, employee, employer or in any of the other roles we take up in life? Do you ever hear that little nagging voice in the back of the mind, or wake up to a stream of negative thoughts?

Welcome to life!

It’s totally normal to feel like this – most people do at some time or another.  But did you know that there are things that you can do to quieten the negative chatter, to silence the inner critic?

Here’s one technique for stopping that inner critic

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Do you compulsively repeat patterns over and over? Here’s how to change

Do you constantly repeat the same patternsWhether consciously or subconsciously, we often recreate scenarios around us that are familiar. We do this in an effort to feel safe and comfortable.

A while back a client came to see me. The client – let’s call him “Pete” – couldn’t understand why he kept ending up in relationships that always ended the same way.

He’d be happy at first, but then his inner chatter would start to grow and he’d begin building stories based on his negative thoughts. Those thoughts then stimulated unpleasant negative emotions.

Before long he would behave in a way that provokes the very thing he was afraid of: rejection. Once he met someone new, the whole cycle would start again.

Do you find yourself repeating the same things over and over?

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Why owning all the stupid things I’ve done has made me happier

The power of surrenderOne of the most liberating moments in my life was when I stopped hiding from myself.

A few weeks back I talked about emotional immaturity in adults. I discussed how emotionally immaturity can be a sign that while someone has grown up physically, emotionally they may still have a long way to go. But how do you grow up emotionally?

I discussed some techniques that can help with feeling more earthed (and I’ve previously talked about ways to make yourself feel more grounded and less detached and day-dreamy as well as the problems that come from letting your inner child rule your life). I also mentioned how it’s important to figure out where in your body this feeling sits.

But there’s more you can do to feel more like a fully grown adult.

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Do you like yourself? Try these simple thought hacks to improve your self-esteem

Better Self Esteem

Better Self Esteem

Do you have good self-esteem? And what does good self-esteem really *mean* anyway?

I suppose the best way to describe someone with good self-esteem is that they are comfortable with themselves. Are you comfortable in your own skin? What would it take for you to feel comfortable inside and out?

Self-esteem can grow when we begin to have a better relationship with ourselves, when we start loving ourselves for who we really are, despite having made mistakes in life.

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Stop Letting Your Child Rule Your Life

Do you avoid doing jobs because the thought of it stresses you out? Do you eat too many bars of chocolate when you promised to eat healthily? Are you late for things simply because you didn’t leave on time? Chances are you’re letting your inner child take control of your life…

I know, I know, you start out with really good intentions at the begining of the week. You’re going to eat sensible, healthy foods. And yet by Tuesday you’re on your second take-away.

It sounds like your inner child has taken over and is running the show!

Stop Letting Your Child Rule Your Life - The Stresshacker - Sue Smith

What Happens When You Let Your Inner Child Rule

That inner whining often goes something like this: “it’s not fair, I’m tired, I don’t want to work, I can’t be bothered to go shopping, I need a treat now, I deserve it!” And giving in to it means that you – the adult – are no longer in charge. Let’s face it if you were, you might be able to have a more grown-up conversation with yourself!

Your inner adult might say something like: “I know you feel like you deserve a treat, but if you do eat those crisps or drink that extra glass of wine, your workout at the gym will feel even harder and ultimately the dress you want to look stunning in next weekend will feel tight and uncomfortable. You’re just hungry let’s get something yummy and healthy to eat right now and if you still want crisps after you can have them!”

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