In the words of the famous song ‘All You Need is Love!
I would agree that love is definitely the antidote to FAGS that’s fear, anger, guilt and shame.
I’ve witnessed many people discover a gentle love and compassion for themselves that dissolves much of the negative chatter that lives in the ego mind.
How though? How do you use love to heal?
Try this exercise. Quickly write down as many answers as you can to the following statement.
Do it NOW! Don’t think about it too much.
Now do the same for this statement
I feel loved when…..
Next write down all the ways you can do this for yourself. Don’t wait for someone else to fulfil your needs and dreams, get into a great relationship with yourself by attending to what makes you feel loved and cherished. So if it’s touch. When did you last gently massage a beautiful cream or oil into your body? Make a date with yourself to do this. When did you last treat yourself to a beautiful bouquet of flowers, great bottle of wine or a trip to a show? Do that for you. If you need to hear words of love … start saying them to yourself… you get the idea? Stop waiting for someone else to meet your needs, meet your own. Your answers should tell you a lot about your view of love. If they’re negative responses you might want to do some deeper work on yourself. If that’s the case, drop me a line at ‘Ask Sue’ here at thestresshacker.com and let me know and I’ll include some exercises in a subsequent blog.
For my yogi readers. Sit quietly place your right hand on your heart and your left hand on top and softly chant the seed sound to the heart centre LAM you can resonate on the aaaah sound and also the mmmm chant for at least five minutes.
I’ve been enjoying the privilege of teaching self-care to a group of hard working conscientious, caring people this week and it’s put me in mind of one of my favourite sayings. ‘We teach others how to treat us’ it’s true isn’t it.
At a subtle energetic level we constantly absorb and convey information to and from people around us. Unconsciously we tell people a lot about ourselves from the way we dress, to our non-verbal cues such as body language, facial expressions and tonality.
How do you want to be treated?
How do you treat yourself?
What is it that you would like others to give you or do for you?
Do you ever give that to yourself?
Years ago I read a popular magazine that suggested …‘run yourself a bubble bath, pour yourself a glass of champagne and relax’ and I thought ” Yeah, right, who does that”! Well eventually I did. I loved it! It was a treat and I still remember the first time I did that for me. I also remember when I lived alone training myself to cook a nice dinner for me, I had to teach myself to lay the table just for me. Do you know what? It felt really nice to be looking after myself in such a simple yet respectful way. What simple thing could you do for yourself that would make you feel valued, worthy and special?
Better self-care develops better self-confidence, try asking yourself this question several hundred times a week… ‘Is this kind and loving to myself’? Step back and watch what your mind at play, observe how you treat yourself, you might just be surprised.
One of the first precepts in yoga is Ahimsa which means non-violence. Ahimsa offers us a guideline on how to live life, the aim being not to hurt others and not to hurt ourselves. This means physically, emotionally and mentally. How often do you say unkind, spiteful, discouraging things to yourself? STOP IT NOW! You wouldn’t say or do that to a child would you?
If you fancy changing your programming try this little exercise. For the next two days, every time you hear yourself say something unpleasant and unsupportive, say 2 nice things to yourself to counter that. Smother your inner bully with love! Ha ha! Have fun with it and let me know how you get on.
I know you’re busy so thanks for taking the time to read and please pass it on to anyone who you think it might help.
When I decided to pursue a childhood dream of singing and went along to my first performers evening, I was mortified when I got up to sing. As I opened my mouth I heard a weird strangled sound more reminiscent of an injured animal! My diaphragm locked up like a tight fist and my lips wriggled around independently like a pair of worms! The rest of my performance that evening is thankfully a fuzzy haze! I had the classic Fight, Flight or Freeze symptoms one might experience in the face of eminent disaster such as being attacked or having a near miss in a car.
Singing was something I wanted to do, so I decided I was not going to be beaten by this poor experience. Using my training and experience as psychotherapist and hypnotherapist I applied to myself, all the techniques and practices I might offer a client experiencing performance anxiety.
I liken public performance to standing naked in front of a group of people! You really are exposing your most vulnerable self. This means your self-esteem is very much linked to your performance. Trouble is, if your good sense of self is totally dependent on others having to like you or think well of you, then you’re even more vulnerable because that’s is something you have no control over.
If you don’t care about being overweight then fine, don’t read on but if you’re constantly striving to lose weight only to put it back on, or are stuck in the yo-yo pattern of dieting you might want to try a new approach.
The majority of people with weight problems tend to be consumed by thoughts of what, when and how they will eat or drink. Constant worrying about food and focusing on feeling fat are your worst enemies in the pursuit of losing weight.
I know that the easiest way to lose weight and keep it off is to change your mind-set. Here are 3 ways you can do it
Update Your Mental Software.
Throw Away Your Scales.
Reprogram Your Mind using language it understands.
Change your mind and keep the change
Discover the best way to finally dump your negative thoughts and feelings. Upgrade your mindset and rebuild your self-esteem with my Mindful Weight Loss approach.
1. Update Your Mental Software
Are you interested in the quickest way to do this? Hypnosis. Reprogram your mind, by-pass the negative inner chatter and input positive thoughts that will change the way you feel. 21 days of consistent listening to positive, upbeat suggestions of self-love will have you automatically making better choices. You will find everything easier when you feel positive and confident.
The biggest part of your mind, the subconscious mind believes whatever it is told. What are you telling yourself about your size, weight, or the way you look?
2. Throw Away Your Scales.
Hopping on and off of scales create a hopeless addiction, get rid of them, they’re work of the devil! They lie too! Have you ever jumped on your scales and felt your heart soar because you’d shed a little weight? Only to get on your friend’s scales (because you couldn’t resist) to find you’d gained some weight?
Scales encourage negative thinking that will quickly spiral you down into feeling out of control, this is my opinion based on 28 years of facilitating weight loss with thousands of people.
Stop kidding yourself. You WILL KNOW WHEN YOU’VE LOST WEIGHT when your trousers feel loose or more comfortable, or when you no longer need to loosen your belt whilst eating. Resist the temptation to buy clothes in bigger sizes and work your way back into the wardrobe you have, by being kind, encouraging and loving to yourself. I go into the psychology of this more in the course.
3. Picture The Best You
Picture The Best You… develop the habit of putting yourself into a gentle state of relaxation (yes, this can be done on the train on your way to work, or just as you drift off to sleep) once relaxed; create pictures of you in your minds eye being the best version of you. Imagine yourself feeling, fit, flexible and strong. If you’re visual (I’m not so I just get on and imagine) visualize yourself doing and being who you are when you are what makes you feel the best. For example, see you looking very much in control, relaxed, confident, peaceful, in love with and loving yourself. See yourself sufficiently confident to make better choices. Encourage yourself to exercise by persistently picturing yourself swimming, walking or taking a class in the gym.
Your subconscious mind believes whatever you tell it… what are you telling it?
More importantly the language of the biggest part of your mind (the subconscious) is imagery, so it prefers to receive positive images. Don’t take my word for it, try it yourself regularly.
Don’t be shy, take advantage of the Ask Sue facility here on the website and ask me any questions you have about losing weight.
If you’ve any questions about my Mindful Weight Loss course ask away! The course is unique and I created it more with the idea of helping people to become happier and more at peace with themselves with the weight loss being more a by- product of that. There is no dieting involved in this course, although you do need to want to lose weight and be prepared to make a commitment to doing so.
So if you know someone who would find this useful please pass it onto them.
This week’s blog is going to be a little brief due to me going out and kicking my heels up (that’s the adult in me!) My parent part would have me slog over this blog for a few hours longer, revisiting it over and over “until it’s right”!
The child/teenager in me would likely acquiesce and sit for another few hours at my desk ‘to get it right’!
The adult in me knows it’s okay to have compromise. The adult is okay with not being perfect
If you’ve been following the past few blogs where I’ve talked about the model of looking at the mind in 3 parts, the child, parent and adult parts this will all be making sense, if you’ve just landed on this blog though, you can be forgiven for wondering what I’m on about! Start reading from here
In a nutshell, we tend to run old beliefs and thoughts programmed during childhood. It’s rare that we challenge or change these thoughts and beliefs and sadly the older we get the more ingrained they become. Simply put, we believe what we’ve been told about ourselves in the past.
Identifying the adult in us and adding new thoughts, beliefs and behaviours is akin to upgrading the software! The adult part is the starting place to set goals and if you like, reinvent ourselves.
In case you missed the rationale behind why this updating is so powerful I’ll reiterate. The subconscious mind (the other 90%) believes whatever it is told. Please re-read that last line!
If like many people who start to work with this model of the mind, you feel unsure of who your adult part is, or how you want to be, have a look at one of my favourite speakers Julian Treasure and familiarise yourself with his mnemonic HAIL
I’m sure you’ll agree these are worthy traits to add to your adult part. Enjoy and watch Julian’s TED talk here>