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Forgiveness = Freedom

we carry our past within us

Oooh this is a touchy subject and it’s easy to understand why. Suggesting to someone that they forgive a person who has hurt them beyond belief is a very risky thing to do. It can feel insulting too. Why on earth would you forgive someone who’s hurt you badly?

we carry our past within us

We carry our past within us.

Every, thought, incident and event is stored in the back of the mind, or the long-term memory to be more specific. More importantly, if Eastern approaches to healing are to be believed, emotional memory is also held in the body, in our organs and our physiology.

An example of this might be an acupuncturist treating the gall bladder and liver for anger or the heart and lungs for grief. Even a masseur working tirelessly on hunched up shoulders that have become tight and hard, is aiming to release some of the client’s past. Or more simply, we might hold the memory of a tough work-out in the muscles we used at the gym yesterday, ouch!

Certainly in my work, I see daily evidence of how the body holds onto old hurts such as anger, guilt and shame. Clients might present with unexplained pain that has defied every medical investigation, only to find that a couple of sessions of hypnotherapy or other intervention leaves them free from pain and discomfort.

When given space to release deeply held negative emotions, people often emerge looking serene and peaceful, with a soft, open younger counternance. Something no face cream invented, could ever achieve!

Let me explain why I said earlier that it could be insulting to suggest someone forgive. In my personal and professional experience, it is difficult to move to a place of forgiveness until the anger and rage has been expressed, until you’ve vented your spleen so to speak.

It’s one thing to talk about it but unless the feeling of forgiveness reaches deep down into your bones and you really, genuinely can forgive, it’s likely that anger will keep rearing its head.

Symptoms of the on-going presence of anger, guilt and shame in the body are, feeling excessively tired, constantly aching, fuzzy brain fog, sleeplessness and physical pain. This is the underlying emotional content of an old memory, expressed somatically.

So I guess I’m saying there’s no ‘right’ way, only your way. Forgive if and when it feels right for you and do it authentically. Allow yourself to experience your true feelings rather than bury them. Give yourself time and space to be you.

Look after yourself.

Sue x

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Lost Your Creativity? A Full Moon Will Get It Back!

Full Moon

The feminine energy is said to be most creative and intuitive during a full moon.

Full MoonIn days of yore, women were invited out of the tribe to spend their menstruation in a moon lodge. Here they were able to take time out, rest, have their food prepared for them and generally be nurtured during this special time. The need for space and time to ‘be’ were highly respected by both men and women.

After the cycle the women would come back into the tribe and share their insights and wisdom. This might range from something like moving the livestock from one area to another, to exploring the meaning of a powerful dream.

There was a glorious full moon, as I recently boarded a long haul flight home to England. I expected to settle down and enjoy a film. The moon energy had other ideas however. My pen took up like something in a scene from a Harry Potter film and I wrote non-stop for a couple of hours. At the end of this frantic, dare I say channelled writing, I had a brand new hypnosis script for empowering women with assertive skills!

After testing the script out I realised it was just sexist to make this available for women only.

As I know only too well, many men need assertive skills just as much women.

I finished the script by inviting Facebook friends to contribute any phrases they felt would be helpful in being assertive and then incorporated those.

I recorded the program last week and I am excited to say that it will be available very soon.  It’s now available!

So next time there’s a full moon, sit quietly and allow  insight and inspiration to flow for something you want to create. I’d love to hear your experiences.

Sue xx

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Here we go again! Ever wondered why you’re back in the same situation?

Take steps to care for yourself as if you were something special to cherish, something valuable.

Whether consciously or subconsciously, we recreate scenarios around us that are familiar. We do this in an effort to feel safe and comfortable.

In the extreme, we may be driven to consistently select undesirable partners who are unkind and abusive. You might hear people say things like “she/he was so nice in the beginning and couldn’t do enough for me. I had no idea she was violent!”

On a more superficial level we may always go to the same café for coffee each morning, taking comfort in seeing the same people and repeating that pattern. It’s warm and cosy, safe and familiar.

Have you noticed that we are subject to recurring themes and patterns in our lives?

These patterns continue to generate the same thoughts, emotions and behaviours that bear out our personal stories, our themes.

For example people who are insecure and have a deep-rooted sense of rejection, will often find themselves in situations that seem to confirm the very thing they most fear. Rejection. At a subconscious level they constantly recreate dramas that ‘prove’ their beliefs.

There’s a bizarre comfort for them in this. A sort of ‘there we are I knew it. No-body loves me’ story, which allows them to be right!

Unaware of the subconscious patterns, they allow their inner chatter to dictate to them, building stories based on negative thoughts. The negative thoughts subsequently stimulate unpleasant emotions. The emotions act as drivers that impact their behaviour. This in turn often provokes the very thing they are afraid of, rejection and the whole cycle starts again.

These recurring themes are often reinforced year after year. Even when there’s clear evidence of the behaviour that is hurting them, such as a string of failed relationships with a similar vein (like choosing that type of partner again,) they continue to act out in the same way because it’s familiar. Like a pair of comfy old slippers!

So how can we change?

Even when we are conscious of our patterns and behaviours and want to change, it takes a fair bit of mental and emotional discipline to avoid the same mistakes.

Let’s take someone who is feeling insecure, it’s likely they will have a program running in the subconscious mind that says ‘you are not loveable, worthy of being cared for, or deserving’. The good news is, that it is possible for thoughts and feelings like these to diminish in the face healthier ways of thinking.

Counselling and psychotherapy can help to explore the recurring themes and the subconscious desire to revisit them (repetition compulsion). There are other things you can do to help yourself and here’s a couple of suggestions.

Take steps to care for yourself as if you were something special to cherish, something valuable.

Exercise

Self-nurturing is imperative. Write down seven ways you can nurture yourself,

It may range from a fundamental:

1.) Cook proper warm meals for myself.

to a more intense

2.) Dump the abusive partner.

It will have taken years for the maladaptive behaviours and patterns to emerge so there’ll be a fair bit to combat. The quickest, and most painless approach I know to changing how we think and feel, is with hypnotherapy and hypnosis programs.

Stress Free with Confidence or Supercharge Your Confidence is one of the easiest and ways to reprogram your subconscious mind.

Discipline yourself to listen a minimum of once a day. An ideal time is last thing at night as you settle down to sleep and requires minimal effort. Within a month of listening you will notice a huge shift in how you think and feel. As you retrain the brain you’ll notice new patterns that will lead to a more relaxed, positive productive way of being. This then impacts your behaviour and finally your patterns begin to change.

Because the subconscious mind believes whatever it’s told your self-esteem has to grow stronger at the very least this prepares you to look more deeply at your modus operandi with a view to making change.

Let me know how you get on

Sue xx

oh and by the way, if my example of the unsuitable partner has a resonance for you, go over and have a look at Natalie Lue’s ‘Baggage Reclaim’ site which is brimming with good advice.

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Growing up emotionally. Why childlike behaviour in adults can be a sign of emotional immaturity.

Have you ever been around someone seemingly bright and knowledgeable only to notice them behave badly in a childish manner? Chances are something has stopped them growing up emotionally…

heal your inner child - adults behaving like children - Growing up emotionally. Why childlike behaviour in adults can be a sign of emotional immaturity.

Emotional Growth

Collectively we still fail to understand the difference between intellectual intelligence and emotional intelligence. While we grow up intellectually and chronologically, we do not always grow up emotionally. We can have gaps in our development for all kinds of reasons, but it’s often due to something that happened in childhood. For example, a child — let’s call him John — has has five blissful years on the planet when his father suddenly dies. His mother, in her grief, plummets into a depression that she never really recovers from.

John is effectively orphaned at that point. With neither parent there to attend to his emotional needs. This trauma and loss will likely effect John’s ability to learn. Unless that’s picked up at school, he could remain in that ‘state’ for the rest of his life. His development stunted, much like a scratch on a record, or a rogue program that keeps replaying. Years later, John is unresponsive and unemotional toward his partner, going through the motions but never fully connecting.

Continue reading Growing up emotionally. Why childlike behaviour in adults can be a sign of emotional immaturity.