What is emotional intelligence? How do you stop yourself from feeling like a child when you’re pulled up at work about something. Why do you react to your own children in a childish way? Why can’t you stand up to that bully? Just how do you grow up and heal emotionally?
For almost 30 years I’ve had the pleasure of helping thousands of people to develop emotional intelligence. I’ve facilitated many as they’ve healed old wounds and genuinely found ways to leave an unpleasant past where it truly belongs, in the past!
Whilst counselling and cognitive approaches can be great ways to understand your past, they don’t always hit the spot when it comes to ‘feeling’ better.
Many clients arrive in my therapy room after months, sometimes years of counselling elsewhere, yet still feel that they haven’t moved on. Although they have a good understanding of their pasts, they still feel they haven’t grown up emotionally. Why is this?
The simple answer is this. You remain emotionally stuck because emotions live in your body – not in your mind. To have emotional intelligence you probably need to heal the past.
Your emotional life lives on in your physiology.
What does that mean?
Your emotions are stored in your organ body and are communicated via your physical systems. Such as the nervous system or cardiovascular and respiratory systems.
What is emotional intelligence? Is it intellectual or somatic?
Let me ask you a question. Do you feel anxious or think anxious? Often the feeling precipitates the thoughts.
For example, you wake up with a feeling of anxiety in your chest, it feels like a tight band around your chest. You add all kinds of reasoning and ‘rationale’ as to why you’re feeling that way.
You’ve got a presentation later that day. You’ve had an argument with a colleague or friend, or you didn’t get enough sleep.
You attribute these thoughts to the feelings of tightness in your chest, the thoughts build and the band gets tighter. This creates a vicious circle.
To become more emotionally intelligent learn a little about your subconscious mind and it’s connection to your body. Discover how you can change the way you feel.
Your subconscious mind is also your imagination, your unconscious mind and your long term memory, the other 90%. It all means the same.
According to quantum physics the subconscious mind processes 44 billion bits of information per second! Read that again!
This part of your mind has billions of jobs to do. One of the main jobs is to store information, regardless of whether that information is true or false. Read that again!
Your subconscious mind is phenomenally intelligent, yet simultaneously childlike in quality
This mind holds all the memories of billions other you’s from the past. Look at the photo of the Russian Dolls and imagine one doll for every moment in time. They are all you.
- Your subconscious mind is nothing to be afraid of … it’s just YOU!
- Your subconscious mind has your best interests at heart… at every stage in your life.For example if when you were 14 you had a temper tantrum with your parents and screamed inside your head over and over with great emotion “I wish I were dead!” That part of you still holds that intention. That nano second thought in time stays there at an energetic level.
- Because your subconscious mind cannot identify past or future, everything just is,in the here and now. This makes healing the past possible!
- Time is man-made. As I write this it’s 12.30pm here in the UK yet it’s 1.30pm in France. Your subconscious has no such time restrictions, so you can change memories (and their attached emotions) in the so-called past.
- .Your subconscious mind is willing to help you in the pursuit of your goals and dreams. But it’s up to you to make really clear exactly what you want. You can program a brighter future, because your subconscious mind’s main job is to store information.
- Your subconscious mind is basically YOU and it wants to help you. You at a conscious level are the headquarters and your subconscious awaits your instructions. In the absence of any new directives, it just carries out old programming, often in the form of negative thoughts and beliefs.
- The subconscious mind is connected to the systems and organs in your body. This is where you feel. According to Eastern traditions such as acupuncture and Ayurveda your emotions live in your organs.If you have you ever heard someone say they were gutted? Or noticed someone unconsciously holding their breath in fear as they recounted an unpleasant memory? That’s the emotion ‘held’ in the stomach and cardio- vascular and respiratory systems.
12. Your subconscious mind is really happy to change perspective on any issue past or future, because it wants to help you to feel better at every level.
13 Due to the nature of your subconscious mind, it is willing to accept changes. When you change perspective on an old issue it affects your physiology positively.
14 By playing around with visualization paired with a relaxed body, you can change past events and program future events and physiology will obey.
15 This is currently revealed as neuro-plasticity, yet has been known and practiced by hypnotherapists the world over for years!
It’s easy to re-programme your mind. Hypnosis is the fastest way to do this. By regularly downloading positive suggestions to your subconscious mind, you bypass the ‘critical factor’ i.e. the conscious mind and in as little as a week you can be feeling happier and more positive.
As I once told a client “It’s never too late to have a happy childhood!”