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THE WAKE UP CALL

Are you ready for a change of scene?

Had enough of your current job?

Feeling Burnt Out?

The Wake Up Call

 If you feel like you can’t continue in your current existence, you are not alone. Every year thousands of people reach a point where they can no longer continue working in the same way, with the same people or in the same job or industry.

You just wake up one morning and know that it’s time for a change.

I was in my mid-twenties when I reached that point. I had come to hate my job, the industry and I didn’t like most of the people I worked with either.

I felt trapped by the money,  I had a mortgage from the age of 22 and the notion of walking away from a well paid job seemed totally reckless.

I was run down, stressed and miserable and as a result became pretty unwell. After the third spell in hospital, I recognised this as a massive nudge from somewhere deep inside, to wake me up, shake me up and take responsibility for changing my life. I realised I was waiting! Waiting for something to happen. Waiting for someone else to make my life different.

This was at the start of the self-help movement and I read hundreds of books to help me find the confidence and methods to make those changes.  I developed a habit of getting clear about exactly what I wanted and then applying certain steps to make sure I got it.  I’ve retrained in a number of different fields, Psychotherapy, Hypnotherapy, Yoga, Reiki. I’ve become an author, a blogger and a jazz singer. I’ve since spent the best part of twenty-eight years helping  thousands of  people to redefine themselves, to follow their hearts and launch new careers. You can do it.

Want to know how? Here are my starting steps when I want to make change.

Firstly create some space where you can be still and quiet and ask yourself the following questions.

  1. What one thing am I really good at? What one thing do I seem to do naturally well?

Now ignore the voice that throws up the negatives and keep asking yourself  that same question until you get some good answers.

I remember thinking defeatedly ‘I’m not really good at anything, there’s no area in which I excel.’ But I stuck at it and eventually a little voice said “You’re good at talking to people” It was true, I could stand at a bus stop and a total stranger would tell me their entire life story, then get on the bus and say “Do you know I’ve never told anyone that!” Eureka. That was it… the only thing I could come up with!

Yet that simple answer started a whole new career  for me which I still love and enjoy with every cell in my body.

When you’ve come up with a couple of answers write them down, stick them on the back burner.  The process is starting.

   2.  If I didn’t have to worry about what anyone else thinks. If I didn’t have to worry about money or how I would pay my bills. What would I do for work?

Again, ignore all the negative, whiney head trash that wants to bring you down. That’s your ego battling for position! Write down the stream of positives that come to mind, such as … “I’d work with animals, I’d travel the world, or I’d be a yoga teacher”  Now put those ideas into the pot on the back burner.

In a few days some ideas will begin to brew. Watch out for them and write them down.

When you get some idea, some direction that doesn’t contain a negative, you’re ready for the next step.

3. Just suppose (imagine) you were going to do that thing… the idea that you thought of, how would you go about it? What would be your first step of enquiry? Can you google some information?

Can you find someone who’s doing what you’d like to do or has what it is you would like to have? 

If so call or email them and ask if you can buy them, a coffee or lunch, explain that you would like to ask them some questions about their work. Be honest and transparent. Naturally some people will say no, but many are flattered be asked and want to help.

First gather this information. Gradually all the ideas, information and knowledge come together and you will  feel excited. This is your cue.  If it’s a feeling in your heart GO FOR IT!

Find a way to make this happen. Go back to learning, take that course in your spare time, negotiate taking some time out of the workplace. Do what you have to do to kick-start your new career. When it’s something you feel passionate about, trust me, it will not feel like work. You will  be happy to be up to the early hours of the morning writing your plans, or studying, because you know that you are working toward something really meaningful to you. Something heartfelt and positive.

When you live, breathe and talk about your dreams you bring a powerful energy to it that will attract a similar resonance. If it’s your dharma (your calling) doors of opportunity will open for you, you will be wafted along pathways that will support your calling. You will meet the right people at the right time who will share similar dreams and values.

DO NOT share your dreams with people who criticise, judge and search out the negatives in your plans. Why would you. You need to believe in yourself and your dreams.

If you need additional inspiration or support to get you over your fears about making change, grab your copy of my book Super Charge Your Confidence and the accompanying download of the same name from my shop.

Let me know how you get on.

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RAPE OF THE HEART

Many years ago, I did some work with the dynamic authors and couple therapists Helena Lovendal and Nick Duffell. This is where I first heard the term ‘rape of the heart’. A phrase afforded to the men who as boys, became the confidante and major source of emotional support to their mothers.

This can happen for a variety of reasons, though fundamentally as a result of the father being absent whether literally as in dead, estranged from the family, unavailable due to work commitments or more often emotionally absent. This coupled with needy or emotionally stunted mothers, sets the scene for a ‘rape of the heart’.

Similarly to girls, boys have a heightened awareness and sensitivity to their mothers needs. By the time a boy is 5 years old, he is said to know all of his mothers unfulfilled dreams and heartaches. This is mentally confusing and emotionally too much for their hearts to bear. In an effort to survive psychically, they detach themselves in favour of climbing trees and kicking footballs.

In this detachment they shut down their hearts for protection, not wanting to continue the painful connection because ultimately they cannot meet the needs of their mother or fix her pain. The fact that it is not their place to do so, is beyond their comprehension. The already emotionally overburdened boy, carries a sense of guilt for not being able to be the ‘man’ his mother needs.

Disappointed and disillusioned with the ‘absent’ husband,  the mother can unconsciously or consciously place both insidious and overt demands on her son to ‘hold the space’ emotionally for her.  This makes contributes hugely to the later failure in his relationships and the subsequent emotional and psychological pain and torment that can plague his life.

Fast forward 30 odd years. The boy, now a man, is in a troubled relationship. Sitting in front of me with his partner, I ask what they want from therapy.  He says with a pained expression “I just want her to be happy” she says with frustration “ He doesn’t get me because he never really listens to me”. Neither of them can understand what went wrong. Both tell me how much in love and happy they were in the beginning. They thought they were a perfect match.

Naturally it will take time for them to explore their dynamic and to understand some of the more subtle issues in their relationship.

If he is able to grasp the concept that the closer he and his partner become and the more intimate their relationship, the more threatening this feels for him at a deeper unconscious level. His visceral memory associates closeness and intimacy with the deep emotional wound of not being ‘enough’ for his mother.

As his partner opens up to him, expecting connection because for her, this is the foreplay, the intimacy.  He instinctively pulls away and shuts down. He is fearful that he wont be able to  ‘fix’ his partner, so it’s easier for him to disconnect.   As this unconscious reflection plays out in their relationship it threatens their connection.

Once he gains understanding and insight of this unconscious programming, he can start to clear the mental fog of confusion and become more congruent. In time he learns to feel more comfortable with the intimacy and improves his communication with his partner.

If you have found this article thought provoking please feel free to pass it on to anyone who you think would be interested too.

 

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LOVE LOVE LOVE

In the words of the famous song ‘All You Need is Love!

I would agree that love is definitely the antidote to FAGS that’s fear, anger, guilt and shame.

I’ve witnessed many people discover a gentle love and compassion for themselves that dissolves much of the negative chatter that lives in the ego mind.

How though? How do you use love to heal?

Unlock The Love In Your Heart

Try this exercise. Quickly write down as many answers as you can to the following statement.

Do it NOW! Don’t think about it too much.

Love Is…..

Now do the same for this statement

I feel loved when…..

Next write down all the ways you can do this for yourself. Don’t wait for someone else to fulfil your needs and dreams, get into a great relationship with yourself by attending to what makes you feel loved and cherished.  So if it’s touch. When did you last gently massage a beautiful cream or oil into your body? Make a date with yourself to do this. When did you last treat yourself to a beautiful bouquet of flowers, great bottle of wine or a trip to a show? Do that for you. If you need to hear words of love … start saying them to yourself… you get the idea? Stop waiting for someone else to meet your needs, meet your own.
Your answers should tell you a lot about your view of love. If they’re negative responses you might want to do some deeper work on yourself. If that’s the case, drop me a line at ‘Ask Sue’ here at thestresshacker.com and let me know and I’ll include some exercises in a subsequent blog.

For my yogi readers. Sit quietly place your right hand on your heart and your left hand on top and softly chant the seed sound to the heart centre LAM you can resonate on the aaaah sound and also the mmmm chant for at least five minutes.

Happy Valentines.

Sent with Love.

 

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3 Winter Boosts

Are you sick of feeling unwell?

At this time of year just about every other person you speak to is suffering with head colds, chest colds that seem to cling on so I thought I would share a couple of ayurvedic tips that I’ve used on and off for sometime and found really helpful.

1. This is a great tonic for the lungs, blood and bones so can help with general aches and pains, sluggish digestion, and wheezy chesty coughs.

¼ teaspoon of turmeric

½ teaspoon of cinnamon

½ teaspoon of apple cider vinegar

1 teaspoon of honey

Stirred into ¾’s of a glass of warm water and drink on an empty stomach first thing in the morning. It’s best to drink this through a straw so that the enamel your teeth are protected from the vinegar.

2. Cold? This a really great way to warm up if you really feel the cold or get dry, chapped skin.

Take some sesame oil (Neutrogena used to make a nice light one, if not available use sesame cooking oil) and warm it in a microwave or on a pan of water. Gently massage your entire body with the warmed oil. Make sure you include your ears, scalp, finger-nails, toes etc. Allow some time for the oil to be absorbed into the body before bathing or showering. It goes without saying be really careful you will be slippery! I guarantee you will feel amazing afterwards, really nutured and comfy.

3. Wake up your inner pharmacy!

My last tip is a bit of a plug but I wanted to share it as I’ve had some really fantastic feedback from clients and students about it and that’s my own Healing Now download. Once you’ve downloaded it from the shop you can transfer it to your phone and play it at night as you drift off to sleep,  it will create a positive mindset to kick-start your own inner healing. You can also use it to boost yourself up, if for example you’ve just got in from work and have to go out again in the evening.

So that’s it 3 tips to fight off the winter blues and stay empowered. Thanks for reading.

Enjoy and let me know how you get on.

Sue x

 

 

 

 

 

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STILL GIVING YOURSELF A HARD TIME?

I’ve been enjoying  the privilege of teaching self-care to a group of hard working conscientious, caring people this week and it’s put me in mind of one of my favourite sayings.  ‘We teach others how to treat us’ it’s true isn’t it.

At a subtle energetic level we constantly absorb and convey information to and from people around us. Unconsciously we tell people a lot about ourselves from the way we dress,  to our non-verbal cues such as body language, facial expressions and tonality.

How do you want to be treated?

How do you treat yourself?

What is it that you would like others to give you or do for you? 

Do you ever give that to yourself? 

Years ago I  read a popular magazine that suggested …‘run yourself a bubble bath, pour yourself a glass of champagne and relax’ and I thought ” Yeah, right, who does that”! Well eventually I did. I loved it! It was a treat and I still remember the first time I did that for me. I also remember when I lived alone training myself to cook a nice dinner for me, I had to teach myself to lay the table just for me. Do you know what? It felt really nice to be looking after myself in such a simple yet respectful way. What simple thing could you do for yourself that would make you feel valued, worthy and special?

Better self-care develops better self-confidence, try asking yourself this question several hundred times a week… ‘Is this kind and loving to myself’? Step back and watch what your mind at play, observe how you treat yourself, you might just be surprised.

One of the first precepts in yoga is Ahimsa which means non-violence. Ahimsa offers us a guideline on how to live life, the aim being not to hurt others and not to hurt ourselves. This means  physically, emotionally and mentally. How often do you say unkind, spiteful, discouraging things to yourself?  STOP IT NOW!  You wouldn’t say or do that to a child would you?

If you fancy changing your programming try this little exercise.  For the next two days, every time you hear yourself say something unpleasant and unsupportive, say 2 nice things to yourself to counter that.  Smother your inner bully with love! Ha ha! Have fun with it and let me know how you get on.

I know you’re busy so thanks for taking the time to read and please pass it on to anyone who you think it might help.